


Dying Engines

by Owiks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1940s, Cats, Childhood Friends, Crash Landing, Death, Dogfights, Fighter Pilots, Fighters, Injuried!Oikawa, Lots of Angst, Lovers?, M/M, Maybe Happy?, Medic!Sugawara, Medical Examination, Medical Procedures, Medical Trauma, Near Death, Near Death Experiences, Needles, Not Beta Read, Not Happy, Oisuga!, Pilot!Oikawa, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Tanks, War, Weapons, Who will make it out alive?, World War II, angst boi, glasses!Oikawa, planes, warfare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23739148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owiks/pseuds/Owiks
Summary: It was 1928. Two ten year olds sat side by side, making some dumb joke about how people in America would come to visit. They were laughing, throwing sticks and stones. Nothing was wrong. It was chasing dogs and cats around the neighborhood, asking parents for money to go buy candy or something. It was simple.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 35
Kudos: 74





	1. Easy Livin'

It was 1928. Two ten year olds sat side by side, making some dumb joke about how people in America would come to visit. They were laughing, throwing sticks and stones. Nothing was wrong. It was chasing dogs and cats around the neighborhood, asking parents for money to go buy candy or something. It was simple. 

Tōru Oikawa often thought back to those days as he stood in front of his Neighbor's door. He was in his uniform. The one all the young men were assigned; it was itchy, and reeked of dye. The green was horrid, blotchy as though they were mass manufactured. But it was his. He was assigned this monstrosity. _The pants_. 

_The pants looked like they came out of some handy down store. Thrifted._

They were too big at the ankles, and the waistline had to be tucked in to even fit on Oikawa's waist. The hat? The hat was plain, generic. It was any other cap that greenies wore. But it was all the same now. It would only change once you were assigned your role. Medic, pilot, soldier, navy, etc. He quietly rapped on the door, hoping that Suga was in better shape than him. He most certainly had a brighter outlook on the situation, right?

Sugawara Koushi had lived in his family house for as long as he could remember. As he grew into his adult years, he often found himself reminiscing about those days he spent as a child in his garden, laying on the grass with his friends and watching the pale moon. He could remember chasing cats, tipping cows over, everything that a usual child would do. But everything was different now. He could no longer stare at the moon with the taste of bitterness dancing on his tongue. Violence had broken out among his home, and he wouldn’t stand for it. 

As the silverette sat in his living room, he fiddled with a doctor’s coat, the material thin against his finger tips. He was brought out of his trance by a knock at the door. Glancing to his mother, who sat idly in the corner of the room, the man stood up, making his way to the door and opening it before freezing. The white coat was creased as his fists clenched. 

“Oikawa..”

The brunette blinked, taking a moment to realize the different uniform. Oh. It was because he did better in school, wasn't it?

"Sugawara..I see you'll be the one saving my ass out here ?" Oikawa cracked, giving his childhood friend a smile. 

"What unit did they draft you to? What location?" He asked, trying to be the one with a better mood once he realized Suga's was about the same as his own. Hyperactive puppy time, he's gotta make this sound less..Depressing. Oikawa grabbed his own bag from off the ground, and lightly mumbled as an afterthought, 

"Bag, don't you have one? Let me carry it. If we're going to hell soon, I might as well let the angel be burdened of one less thing."

Sugawara stumbled over his thoughts for a few moments, taken aback by the sudden information that had just been shoved into his mind. “A-Ano.. Come inside for a moment. I need to collect my bag, and say goodbye to my mother.” Koushi opened the door slightly wider for him. The light in his eyes had faded, the smile that had been on his lips every day for years had vanished. He looked like a different man. 

“She mentions you sometimes.” Suga smiled faintly, a hint of sadness poking through. “She barely remembers me sometimes, but the ‘little boy with the chocolate hair’ always stands out.”

Oikawa nodded, barely stepping inside. It'd been a while since he entered here. But it hadn't changed much. Besides the echoes of laughter that once were vibrant dissipating like nothing. He missed the boy who went out more; who seemed happier. Childhood does that to you; violence breaks a person. Oikawa saw it first hand, slowly over the years.

"Mhm. She hasn't gotten any better?" He asked solemnly, shifting as he slowly followed the silverette. He knew the answer to the question, but he wanted to believe it would get better for Koushi. He truly did, yet he knew it wasn't gonna change. Not with the current medical standards. The boy just peered around, noticing how the furniture was the same. If anything, it looked like a haunting reminder of memories.

“She’s gotten worse, if anything.” Sugawara said softly, buckling his bag as he slipped his medical cost on. He glanced over to his mother. 

“Tomorrow she’ll be taken to a home.. As much as I hoped I could look after her forever, damn violence had to come along.” He muttered, hatred lined in his words for the way the world has become. Koushi looked up at Oikawa, finally getting the chance to study his features. He had changed so much, and yet it was like they were both ten years old again, laughing and smiling.

Oikawa nodded curtly, sadness in his eyes as he processed the statement. No apology on his behalf would make up for Suga's mother's illness. It was just life, telling you to become stronger in the long run. If Oikawa had to compare the two of them, and their survivability during the war, he'd bet it all on Suga. 

He had been through rough times. He was whitewashed a lot more than others when it came to violence. It made the brunette admire him even more. Envy was not the correct word to describe how he felt towards his friend; loathing? No. The desire to be desensitized to what was about to come more like.

"The home will take care of her fine, Suga. I know..these aren't the circumstances we were hoping for. You want to be there, but if you want to do anything and eventually keep those promises, you gotta keep alive. Head in the game!" Oikawa spoke softly, lightly punching the silverette in the shoulder. His brown eyes paused on the other's eyes; giving him a head tilt in return to his staring.

"What is it? Do I have jelly around my mouth? Milk?"

Koushi smiled softly at his comments, although he still wasn’t giving it his all. “No, no.. I just.. I’m just thinking of the past is all. It’s ridiculous of me, I know.” He gave a gentle kiss to the side of his mother’s head before slinging his leather bag over his shoulder with a grunt and gesturing for them to leave. He glanced around the room, taking it all in one last time. He pushed back the tears that began to gather in his eyes with a deep breath, blinking a few times to clear his vision. “Let’s go.”

Oikawa pouted, very visibly as he didn't get the reaction he wanted. Damn, is his comedy not what it used to be? May he needs to try slapstick. 

"How is it ridiculous? We're going off to war, and the chances of us seeing each other are very slim after this. The next best thing we have is...writing stupid letters! and you know I'm not good at those" The brunette whined, turning in his heel to exit the house. The urge to snatch Sugawara's bag from him was ever growing. He needed to get that man to smile before they left. He needed to. It was a goal, and he was going to meet it in the twenty minute walk to the train station. 

"Hey, hey hey Suga" Oikawa said over his shoulder, giving him a small smile. "Why's the sky blue and not purple?" 

_First step to get the bag? A dumb question as a distraction._

The silverette listened intently while keeping his eyes trained on the road ahead. He shoved his hands into his pockets as he took in Tooru’s words.

“Eh? Blue and not purple?” Sugawara hummed in thought, thinking back to his lessons from High School. He clicked his fingers before looking up at his friend. 

“Sunlight reaches Earth's atmosphere and is scattered in all directions by all the gases and particles in the air. Blue light is scattered more than the other colors because it travels as shorter, smaller waves.” Koushi nodded, satisfied with his answer. As soon as the poor man started to ramble off the answer, Oikawa spun back around and snatched the bag. His expression was too gleeful for the time, but it was needed. "It works Everytime! I just have to ask you some really scientific-y thing and you'll be lost in answering!" The brunette snickered, holding the soon to be medic's bag up like a trophy.

_Now here's the fun part. Chasing._ Oikawa narrowed his eyes at Suga, flashing another grin, "Come and catch me, Silver lighting. Isn't that the superhero name you wanted if you were super fast?" With that, he ran. His cheeks flushed a soft pink hue, as his plan pieced together.

Sugawara’s mouth opened slightly in surprise, stumbling over his last few words as his childhood friend snatched his bag. The smile slowly found its way onto Sugawara’s face as he began to chase after the other. Memories began to flood back, and Koushi felt his heart swell with happiness. For the first time in months, he laughed. A loud, hearty laugh. Like the sound of church bells on a sunday morning, Sugawara laughed to his heart's content as he ran after his friend.

Oikawa felt like he was soaring. He eventually started running backwards, smiling widely as he heard his friend laughing. Laughter. It was a choir singing for the world to hear. "There it is! There's the Sugawara I know! Isn't that the laug-" He stumbled slightly from a rise in the pavement. He only giggled more, happy to see his friend finally smile. Good memories. Happy ones. Until he bumped into someone. Who looked at the brunette roughly, "Watch it." 

The train station. Separation. But he got the final laugh out from the angel, right? It would be okay? It would be enough hope to push them through; keep them alive. Oikawa reluctantly apologized to the man and turned to face Suga; his eyes glossing over.

"Final destination?"

He continued to run until accidentally bumping into his chocolate haired friend. Sugawara smiled happily up at him, his teeth shining in the morning sun. 

As he realised where they were, his smile slowly began to drop. “Ah.. We’re here.” Sugawara pursed his lips, sighing. “They haven’t actually told me where I’m going yet. I just know I’m on the front lines..”

The puppy like male nodded, ruffling the other's hair. "Hey, don't stop smiling on me. I need some sunshine on his cloudy day. Please Sugaaaa" He didn't want to go. But his own smile faded as he heard him say front lines. "Front.. lines? That can't be right, I mean you don't have much combat experience or, or you don't really-" he was searching for an excuse. Everyone knew the people on the front lines were almost always considered 'expendable'. More tears pricked in Oikawa's eyes. Damn emotions, they fuck up every moment.

"Not a camp? Not training? Just straight there? How's that fair?" He mumbled, searching for the answers in Sugawara's eyes. Denial. He wanted to deny what he was hearing. Every last bit of it.

Sugawara nodded sadly. “A medic on the front lines.” He confirmed. “I have a few days of training before I’m dumped there.”

The man looked down as tears pricked his eyes. “Damn.” Koushi muttered, a small sob following. “Damn it all..”

"Promise." Oikawa stuck out his pinkie. "Promise me you'll stay alive till the end of this cursed war." He wasn't even looking him in the eye. It was too much, the tears were already streaming down his face as conductors yelled 'five minutes till departure' on the tracks that would separate the two. "Please." He whispered it, so quietly that it probably wasn't heard. But it didn't matter. 

Life was cruel. You couldn't keep the things that made you smile. Laugh. That made it worth it. Life took away the pretty things, the moments as you aged. It was a real bitch. A bitch Oikawa would hope spared Sugawara from the hands of death during this shit-show.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his pale, slender pinky around Oikawa’s. Tears streamed down his cheeks, a sight that the boy wasn’t usually caught in. “You better write to me. You better not die..” He sobbed, hazel eyes pleading for him to make that promise. 

They didn’t stand out among the crowd. Wives hugged their husbands goodbye, children gave their fathers kisses on the cheek, unknown to them that they’d probably never come back.

Oikawa whimpered again, throwing his arms around the other instead. Now they had a purpose. Something to keep them driving towards staying alive. "We'll be the best medic, and..and pilot there ever was." He clutched on tightly, fingers digging into the fabric of Sugawara's coat. He only let go when the trains were about to leave. Sadly boarding, but his gaze never leaving the platform. 

He would make sure the other was alive by the end. No matter how many planes he had to take out.

Sugawara didn’t want to let go. He held him tightly until the very last moment, where he took his back and hurried onto the train, watching his best friend as he became a figure only in memory.


	2. Promises

Sugawara had lost count of the amount of days he had been on the front lines. Much like his innocence and happiness, his once pure white coat was stained with blood and the memories of those he couldn’t save. The man eventually found out that he was one of the only surviving male medics left. This did not help his confidence. He didn’t sleep anymore, his dreams plagued with the faces of men screaming - pleading for help. 

Help that Sugawara could not give. 

Koushi didn’t know the day, but it was hot. It was hot and it was hectic. Injured soldiers were being admitted behind sandbags left, right and centre. It was not a good day. “Is that everyone?!” He called out among the loud chatter of nurses. He had just had another patient die in his arms, and Sugawara needed to distract himself before he began to dwell. 

_Never dwell. Never think what could have been_. 

That was the rule he had set for himself. As he was doing his checks around their makeshift hospital, his eyes caught onto a man in the mud, desperately wriggling to try to stay alive. “Why is no one grabbing him?! Why is he still out there?” And then he remembered. _Everyone here is replaceable._

Koushi hated it. He hated that fact, and prayed for it to not be true. But alas, everyone on the front lines knew of their eventual fate. His hazel eyes desperately scanned the area for danger, realising that the sound of gunshots would cease during reloading. The medic waited a few moments before running out from behind their protection and into the field. His colleagues watched in horror, desperately calling his name. 

As Sugawara reached the helpless man, he slung his arm over his shoulder, beginning to rush back to their safe haven. 

And then there was an explosion. 

* * *

Sugawara doesn’t remember much after that. He remembers being in pain, the colour red, and screaming for mercy. Anything but this. 

_I made a promise_. 

And then he had passed out from the pain. 

When Koushi woke up, it wasn’t where he was before. He was in a slightly better looking hospital, the atmosphere much calmer than at the front lines. Over the weeks, Koushi had learned that he had stepped into a land mine. The man he was carrying, a father of four, had died. The silverette can’t remember a time where he’s hated himself more. 

He was retrained to be a medic in the second division. Anyone would think that after all he’d been through, he wouldn’t dare smile or laugh. But no. As patients flooded in, Sugawara offered them a safe place. He offered them comfort and laughter, shielding them from the outside world like a guardian angel. Deep down, the man loathed himself. He felt as if he was the biggest monster in all of this. He had killed so many people by not being able to nurse them back to health. Still, he smiled through it, reminding himself that he had it better than the men who came in missing limbs. For them, all he could do was hold them as they passed away.

* * *

Oikawa had made a promise. He wouldn't die. He would be the best aerial pilot there was. He knew it. He was trained to be a fighter pilot. Specialized in dog fighting, even had his own squadron. But he couldn't do what people did on the ground. He knew the guns and machinery of aircraft. It was evening. The summer sun was about to set, and he was hot. The cockpit of his KI-43-IIa was warm as the water reflected the silhouettes of the craft. He was leading a two man patrol. It wasn't special. He'd run the same routine constant times. Never once did he run into any enemy aircraft. His guard was down. He was too busy looking at a sun faded photo to realize planes in the distance.

_brrrrrrt. Brrt.. Brrrttt._

Oikawa snapped out of his thoughts, throwing on his mask and ordering his partner to stay close. Two versus four. There was a P-40, a P-41 and two Spitfires. He was trained for this. Bullets slew around in the sky; barrel rolls and stall outs to get the drop on people. Oikawa could do this. He could do it. Save his partner, come out alive. Save-

_The sound of shattering glass filled the air._

It pierced the cockpit. Barely missing his head. Now that was dirty. A cheap shot. The brunette lined up his own shots, successfully breaking the wing off of the P-40.

His partner downed the P-41, and got a dirty shot on a spitfire. Straight through the cockpit. Oikawa let out a shaky sigh, getting ready to radio in as his plane spiraled. He forgot about the other plane. He heard scratchy voices about emergency landing, and before he blacked out, he maneuvered to where land might be. 


	3. Stitches

_It was fuzzy, his eyesight was funky. He swore he had both eyes open. Why was it this hazy? Where was his plane? Wasn't he over the ocean? Did everyone survive? Is he even alive ?_

_Voices echoed around Oikawa as ringing pierced his eardrums. Was this hell?_

“Can we get the male medic on the scene please?” A woman said, wheeling Oikawa through the hospital on a stretcher. “We have an aircraft incident; he’ll be the best to deal with this.” She said once again.

Nurses rushed around rooms hurriedly, looking for equipment and colleagues to help them with dying patients. “Hurry, please!” The same nurse held a cloth to Oikawa’s side firmly. He was bleeding rather bad - even after the journey to the second division hospital. A silver-haired male ran in, taking the cloth from the nurse. “I’ve got it from here, Yachi-san. Thank you.” He said with a small smile. The man led before him was covered in dirt and blood. He was unrecognisable. Sugawara hurriedly began to cut off Oikawa’s uniform with a pair of sharp scissors. His tongue stuck out of his mouth slightly as he tried his best to locate the source of the bleeding. 

_He had no idea that the man before him was his best friend._

Oikawa groaned, weakly trying to swat away the nurses. He didn't need help. He just wanted to figure why he couldn't see. Why half of vision was gone. He froze, recognizing the faint voice. "Kou...shi?" He asked faintly, attempting to sit up before he was smacked down again. He was so dizzy. It was spinning, the whole area was spinning. It hurt like hell as things were being done to him that he couldn't properly see. The brunette was majorly disoriented; he thought he was still in the wreckage. Or in his craft. His side felt like some bear took a gaping bite out of him for dinner. Was this where it ended? 

" I think I'm fine, just tired is all" Oikawa mumbled as he tried again to shove whoever it was off of him.

Upon noticing that his patient was awake, a small smile came to his lips. “Ah, you’re awake.” He continued to work on his wound, pulling shards of glass and scraps of metal out of his skin.

“I’ll be your medic, Sugawara Koushi. I’ll take care of you.” He knew that the man wouldn’t be able to respond; he had been doing this for a while, and he knew the signs of disorientation. “A pilot, hm? A nasty fight this must have been.” Sugawara talked to distract the patient. He talked to distract himself. The man continued to carefully pluck harmful materials from him, before beginning to disinfect the wound. “This may sting. Are you still with me? I’ll need you to stay awake.” He begged softly, taking a glance up at the man’s matted hair and dirty face.

Oikawa hummed faintly, his mind wandering. "Tōru Oikawa." He soon realized that his friend didn't recognize him yet. He let out a hiss of pain, his vision still wonky. "Warn a..." He paused, trying to remember how to formulate full sentences. "Man next time. I promised..." He let out a hiss, wanting so badly to knock this man away from him. He didn't want to be jabbed with tools. He was terrified of them. But there he was, practically being pinned down by a friend who didn't remember him. "To stay alive till the end of this hellhole. I won't...gone that easily from...a wreck..my eyesight..?" Oikawa started, or finished rather. He whimpered as things were still being plucked. 

_"Doc, what's wrong with my eyesightt?"_

Sugawara tensed up at the name, standing up straight and brushing the brunette’s hair away from his eyes. “Holy fucking shit.” Sugawara breathed out. “You’re alive.. Fuck! You’re alive!” Koushi suddenly realised that he was still supposed to be stitching a wound. Switching back into medical mode, he responded, “Just keep blinking. I need to stitch your wound up before anything else. There’s a towel on the cabinet beside you. Please bite into it.”

The brunette let out a weak cough, giving his best smile he could at the time. He was surprised he had all his teeth. Or even a tongue. "Yes, I'm quite alive, Suga. I don't know for how long if..." He trailed off, keeping his eyes open and blinking. "You don't stitch me up." Oikawa mumbled, feeling around for said down and shoving it in his mouth. He was gonna hate this part. Not even manly tears could be used to describe how much anxiety he felt towards needles. So, he bucked up; to the best of his ability as he felt his eyes gloss over. But he wanted to keep the promise. Man UP.

“You’re fine.” Sugawara soothed him as he began to stitch the wound. He did it in such a way that no other medic could replicate. It was quick, and yet done perfectly. “We’re almost there, Tōru.” Sugawara didn’t take his eyes off of the wound. _So many men had died in his arms - his best friend wasn’t going to be the next._

Oikawa only nodded, humming something in response. It wasn't coherent due to the towel. He hated how gentle Suga was, mostly because he could tell what was going on inside of Oikawa's head. He just wanted the needle gone. Even if he couldn't see it, he could sure as hell feel it. The male knew he was in good hands. He trusted these hands with his life, quite literally now, but he was confused. He just wanted Sugawara to explain his eye. He didn't care for his side. He could cover that up any old day. But an eye? Or eyes? Those were vital.

After finishing the stitches, Sugawara placed the needle to the side before turning his gaze to Oikawa’s face. Grabbing a towel and dipping it in some water, he managed to softly wipe the blood and dirt off of his skin. “It’s swollen.” He muttered. “Can you see anything at all..?”

"Doc, as much as I would love to say yes I can see, I cannot. Are we sure I have..." He hissed at the cold water, pawing his friend's hands off of him. "Two eyes? Both of my lovely...lovely eyes?" He asked, semi joking about it. But for the most part he was dead serious. He couldn't pilot if he had only one eye. You needed two for it. "Suga, I know you're the medic and all. And this is some shitty tent in a camp, but is there any of my plane left? Any at all?" He asked weakly, his thoughts trailing back to the previous events. Sugawara began to carefully clean his eye of blood. 

“I.. I don’t know.” He muttered. “We’ll have to bandage your eyes for a while.” The man muttered. With a hand placed gently on his cheek, Sugawara leaned in close, still cleaning the blood. Their faces were close. 

_“I’m so glad you’re alive.”_


	4. I can't stand losing you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings--! I feel as though I should give some context onto how this fic is written. You see, I'm translating this all from a role-play. We both agreed that this was something that shouldn't be withheld from the public eye; so this is where Dying Engines comes in. The entire role-play means a lot to me and my friend, as we spent a good few weeks working on it. The pacing may come across as odd to this, but I am trying my best to get the flow together once again. 
> 
> Also! There is a playlist that goes along with this, as it sets the tone of the AU perfectly. I will link it here. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0fBQKsgYDtfiqmPPG5dHsH?si=SPQS4eJ1SeOMzZ8ALAeoBw

The pilot felt his heart fluttered; that was unexpected. _Close. Face. Super pretty eyes that could take him away for days._

"I missed you too, Angel. I'm surprised you lasted this long." He commented, pouting as he could feel Suga's hair on his face. "You're still the spitting image of the last time I saw you. Mostly." Oikawa added, letting his other eye fall shut as Koushi cleaned his face. It was euphoric to feel this way. The pilot hadn't been cleaned up this way since he got in a fist fight out of school; he doesn't remember why it started but he remembered Suga patching him up.

_This was more than a fist fight, a lot more blood and chance of death in this patch up._

The angel smiled softly, glancing down at his face before focusing on his eye again. “That was a nasty fall you had.” Sugawara said, his voice soft and gentle, much like his movements. “I didn’t recognise you when you came in..” 

Koushi had grown slightly. He had light scars on his face and arms from his own injury - but of course Oikawa wouldn’t know this. Snorting, Oikawa crossed his arms, instantly regretting as the movement caused him pain in his torso. "How high was it?" Oikawa said, his voice quiet as he tried to hear what was going on around him besides the conversation. There was a prominent ringing sound; a leftover remnant that couldn't be fixed. Only time would heal that, if any at all. 

"Not even my hair gave me away? Now that's impressive, I bet I look like shit right now, correct?" The pilot mused, keeping his eyes closed as he thought about the chances of them meeting. In a dozen backline camps, he ended up at the one with his friend. He couldn't believe it. He had tried to write letters, but they always seemed so..fake, with the censoring and such of information. 

"Anything interesting happen while I was in the sky? Away from the one angel who could save anyone?" He questioned, curious to see if the man had any stories to tell.

Koushi sighed softly. “You.. You do look rather rough.” He chuckled quietly, beginning to bandage his eye. The man hummed , a small smile on his face. He was always like this with patients - trying to brighten their lives just a little. Sugawara contemplated telling him about the incident he had had on the front lines. Taking a deep breath, he decided against it. He didn’t want to remember it - although he was sure the topic would come up soon. Besides, he had the scars to prove it. The brunette had to resist the urge to pull away his hand, grimacing at the feeling of anything touching the swollen eye. Instead, Oikawa simply pouted, sighing as he listened. There was a lot, vehicles passing, nurses talking rapidly, plane engines. Footsteps of people marching. 

It seemed--Normal. There wasn't as much rush as any full aircraft base, but it almost seemed like a town. Albeit a very fucked up, and screwy town at that. Tōru couldn't see well. But he judged something was up when Koushi dodged the question. 

"Well, you're not on the front lines anymore. That's a relief. I don't have to look down at a field and wonder if you're there. I don't have that anxiety of a plane wing coming down and crushing you." The chocolate haired pilot explained softly, feeling his cheeks tint a pinkish. It was such a stupid fear. The chances of it happening were 1 in one million. But, it could occur.

The silverette laughed weakly as he tightened the bandage. “Sure, sure..” Sugawara lingered over his face for a few moments before slowly moving back. “Does anything else hurt..?” He asked gently, his eyes once again checking to make sure everything was in order.

Oikawa shook his head. "Unless everything being blurry counts as pain, then no, Suga. I feel no pain. Well I feel pain, just not-" the brunette shut his mouth, shaking his head as he tried to wrap his head around what he was saying. 

"pain in the places it should be. In where you've checked, but nowhere else." That was right. It made sense, but was he just going to be carted away. Back home? He didn't know, but he did try to sit up, only to groan and let loose a colorful string of curses. 

_Got it. No sitting up. That equals more pain then someone biting down on a d-. Of all things to think, I had to make a sex joke?_

Oikawa laughed at himself softly, turning his head to face Koushi again. "Do I still have a dick? _"_

The medic made sure to double check his bandages, making sure he was alright. Grabbing a clipboard from the front of the bed, Sugawara pulled up a chair and began to fill out some forums. 

At the rather sexual question, Sugawara couldn’t help but laugh. “Admittedly, I didn’t check, but I think you’d be aware.” He grinned as he looked up at his friend. 

Koushi’s right hand reached to subconsciously trace the scars along his arms as he spoke. He started at his hands, moving up to his arms. The lines of horror ranged from white to red to big to small. 

"Well, let's hope I do. As I feel my lower half is still whole, I'm praying it's alive and well." The pilot beamed, a child-like smile on his face.

He focused closer on Suga, seeing a movement of a hand. "What're you doing?" He asked, pointing to the papers, and then to where he'd stop and trace his arm.

"You didn't get kidnapped, did you ? If so, where's the motherfu-. I mean, the kind gentleman who did this?" Oikawa asked, his one seeable eye scanning his friend up and down. He was curious. He knew it would have been nearly impossible for them to manage through this war unscaved, but he didn't think Suga would get something on his arm. Maybe a leg or something, but never an arm.

Sugawara tilted his head in confusion before realising what Oikawa was talking about. “I..” The boy racked his brain for things to say before sighing. “I have something to admit to you.” Koushi leaned forwards slightly, looking into Oikawa’s good eye. A wave of comfort washed over him. 

_He’s my best friend. I have to tell him._


	5. Some enchanted evening

As Sugawara opened his mouth to say something, the doors slammed open, the same blonde nurse rolling in a stretcher hurriedly. “Sugawara-san! He.. He..” The girl stumbled over her words. 

Koushi stood up quickly. He only had to take one look at the man to realise what was happening. “Yachi-san, it’s fine. Thank you. He’ll be in my care.” The medic carefully rolled the stretcher a little away from Oikawa’s as the nurse hurried out again. 

This happened often. If a patient was unable to be helped, they would be sent to Sugawara. To his colleagues, it didn’t seem to affect him. Having people dying in his arms had become a regular thing.

_ And yet Koushi would never get used to it. He refused to.  _

The man on the stretcher looked mangled; covered in blood and gasping for air.  Oikawa was ready to listen, finally being able to see Suga's face clearly. He saw how he had grown. How he was more mature, he was prepared to hear whatever it was- what storytime he was about to embark, until the doors slammed open.  That sound in itself was loud. The commotion louder as Suga was ripped from his view. Gasping. And choking. He saw red, and his best friend huddling over a stretcher. The pilot didn't need to be told twice about what was going on. The man was dying; no person gasps for dear life unless the oxygen isn't getting somewhere correctly. That's what scared him.  Not the blood, nor the panic. 

_ But the thought of that could be me. I could've looked like that on a stretcher, and he wouldn't have even known it was me. It shook Oikawa down to the bone; the cold creeping feeling of realization kicking in. _

_ How was Sugawara so calm in this situation? _

How could he just calmly talk to the man, who was reaching out to him for dear life. How could he stomach this, it's mortifying. But he couldn't even see it that well. But he could hear it. How the gasping finally stopped, and it turned dead silent. A single tear rolled down the brunette's face, when did he start crying?  Sugawara had been whispering soft words to the man, his pale hands gently moving from rubbing his arms to softly smoothing his hair. It was a very motherly reaction.  Sugawara took in a sharp breath as the man’s breathing stopped. He closed his eyes tightly, regaining himself before beginning to move the stretched to the opposite side of the room. A white sheet came to rest over him, and Koushi wiped the blood that was on his hands onto his own already-red coat. 

After a few moments of silence, he turned back to Oikawa. “Eh? Oikawa.. Why are you crying?” The medic held a small smile on his face. It was clearly filed with pain, but it was the best he could muster at the moment.  The man just shook his head, staying silent for a good minute before he spoke. "How can you hold them so calmly, and then act like it's fine, Koushi?" His voice wavered, as he took a breath before he continued. 

"That could've been me. Right there. Dying. And you could've done the same thing, but if-" he shook his head again , lifting an arm to cover his face from silverette. But this was what Oikawa assumed he saw a lot of. People dying in his arms. Good people. Teenagers. Being thrown into war, only to come back mangled and die. 

"If that plane crash was any worse, you would have had no one as to knowing who I was. You di-"  Oikawa knew he should have kept his front. He did it with everyone else. Come off as cold and rude, snarky even. He should've been a dick. But here he was, being weak. A pathetic hurt dog in front of one of the people he admired most.  The brunette started coughing, doing the weird inhales one does when crying, he didn't bother trying to finish his sentence. He was too ashamed at himself for being so reckless to cause a crash in the first place.  Koushi simply just listened, eyes closed as he smiled sadly at Oikawa’s realisation. The man slowly leaned forward, enveloping the other into a hug. He carefully avoided harming Oikawa’s wounds. 

“During the fifth month of my service on the front line, I noticed a man - wounded - on the battlefield.” He started, still holding Oikawa close as he began to softly stroke his hair. This is what he’d do to the kids - the 14 and 15 year olds who had lied about their ages on their papers. 

“I couldn’t see him bleed out there. I just couldn’t. So, I ran out into no-mans-land, and tried my luck at bringing him back to the medical tent.” Sugawara paused for a moment to hold his breath, trying to hold back any kind of tears. 

“I stepped into a land mine - injured both of us. That’s where these scars came from. They’re all over my body.” Koushi’s grip on Oikawa gently tightened. 

“I killed a father of four. I’m the reason he died.” With a bittersweet smile, Sugawara sniffled. “I decided that if I had died that night, I wouldn’t want to be on my own. So - when we cannot help some of our patients, they’re sent to me..”  Oikawa instantly sank into the other's hold. Hands gripping harshly at the back of Koushi's stained coat. He listened, stifling his own sobs to hear the story. It wasn't even a story really, more of a hard pill. Something you have to swallow dry, you can't add water or it dissolves, ruining the purpose of it.  It felt like his waterducts ran dry as he was racked with dry sobs, stilling a little more at the hand stroking his hair. He hated this. He hated how Sugawara had the audacity to blame himself for the events. But Oikawa's words wouldn't work, he held onto Koushi. Making sure he was secure. 

"You couldn't have known, Koushi. It was a landmine. They are made to blend in. You.." He paused, sniffling as he looked for the right words.

"You had the courage to try to save him, where everyone else left him for dead. That in itself is something to be proud of." the pilot cringed at his own words; that wasn't helpful, dumbass. It would make him feel worse. 

"I've killed so many, angel. Accidentally, my squadron replaced each battle. New people replacing and taking the codename. It couldn't have been avoided. It's life. Mother nature. She isn't kind." He added softly, before mumbling, "can I see them. The scars?" Oikawa's voice was timid, as he loosened his grip a bit.  Sugawara slowly pulled away. Silent tears had been slowly slipping down his pale cheeks. The man rolled the stretcher to the corner of the room, where he pulled a curtain around them. Shrugging his coat off, Koushi shakily began to unbutton his shirt.  After slowly sliding the material off of his body, it was clear that the mine had done a lot of damage. His once smooth, milky chest was now covered in deep scars. Koushi was also deadly thin. He didn’t eat much as he was always on the job. The medic looked down in shame. “So many men have died in my arms..” He breathed softly, closing his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears falling.  Tōru watched, and his heart dropped upon seeing it. He was astonished to see that Suga was still kicking. His eyes raked down the other's chest, noticing how he could see the rib cage faintly. 

"Angel, how much do..how much rest and down time do you get?" His voice was near silent, as he motioned for the other to come close. 

"Come here, please, I can't stand to see you crying like this." Oikawa practically begged, his heart was wrenched from his chest as he heard what Koushi said. "But those hands have saved so many people too, Suga. Don't dwell on it too much or it will affect you in unbelievable ways."

Grabbing his shirt and coat, Sugawara moved back towards Oikawa, clutching the fabric tightly. “We have allocated breaks, but we’re sometimes so understaffed that we have to work through them..” He mumbled. His pale face was plagued by faint, dark bags under his eyes. The man’s hands shook softly as he cursed, “Damn it all..”

To his best ability, the pilot attempted to give the other a hug; whining softly when he moved himself in a way that tugged at his left side. But he bared through the pain, nuzzling his face into Koushi's shoulder. "God- they need to staff better. Can't you request more nurses? More helpers?" Oikawa gritted his teeth after, his left hand clenching at his side. 

_ Can't they see we need more people. They're becoming more reckless; careless. _

Gently, with his left hand he took one of Sugawara's, rubbing circles into the back of it. "Even me? You'd damn me?" The brunette couldn't help but snicker at himself, it was such a bad comment too.  Sugawara gently laid his hand on Oikawa’s matted brown hair. “We’re one of the less important hospitals.” He sighed softly, his cold fingers trailing against the other’s skin on his neck.  Koushi took a step back, keeping his hand in Oikawa’s. He smiled faintly. “Of course not. You’re the one thing that’s been keeping me alive all of these years.”

Oikawa's heart internally sighed at the loss of contact, just wanting to stay close to any old comfort it could at the moment. "But you still- that isn't fair. You still need helpers! You-" Tōru seethed, looking up at the medic in annoyance. If Tōru could, he'd sock the head of medical and government for not helping Sugawara. Not listening. It would only cause trouble if he did, so he kept his mouth shut for the time being.

"I'm the one thing? But you knew I could have been dead. Three years! Huh, is it because I'm a bundle of..." Oikawa paused, a look of concentration on his face as he tried to think of something to accurately describe himself. "cu...teness? Heroicness? Is that even a word?" He mumbled, not letting go of Suga's hand. What time was it anyways? He couldn't tell, but what he did know was that he was exhausted, and wanted to nibble something.

Sugawara laughed softly at him, shaking his head. “If you need anything, let me know. The whole block of patients on the side of the hospital are under my care.” The silverette gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He finally slipped his shirt back on, buttoning it up with his slender fingers and tucking it into his trousers.  Food had been being rationed more than ever. Other patients in other blocks were dying for starvation rather than their wounds, and there was nothing anybody could do. However, everyone in Sugawara’s block seemed like there was always food when they asked for it. Koushi had his ways.  After all - he’d give anything to not have to hold a dying man again.

Oikawa just pouted, humming in acknowledgement to his words. "A cup of water? And some beauty sleep, that's all I want right now." Beauty sleep was near impossible for the pilot. He too had his own dark bags, but they aren't noticeable due to his injuries. His sleep was racked with nightmares; haunting screams through the radio of his cockpit. He remembers each plea for help, each mantra of prayers to their family that they'd stay alive.  It never happened. If you're shot down in the sky, kiss goodbye to any hope you had of life. The air force was not one for those who thought it was easier. It was for those who wanted to keep fighting, but had accepted the fact any day they could drop.  Tōru's eyes fell shut again, pure exhaustion of his body trying to heal catching up with him. How long was he going to be in the hospital? A long while, till his vision gets fixed, and his side good enough to where the pilot could stand. Probably. Or longer.

The medic nodded. “Excuse me then.” He left the room swiftly, grabbing one of the many metal cups that they had been delivered. They were reusable this way. He filled the cup with water in their dreary kitchen before slipping back in towards Oikawa, and placing the cup on the side. 

“Tomorrow, I will redress your bandages after you’ve had a chance to wash the dirt and blood from your skin.” He said softly, the small smile back on his pale lips. “We’re due to have a letter from the office telling us how long you’ll be here, as we’ve already sent off the report of your condition.”

"Hmh, sounds about right." His voice was soft. Tōru was ready to be sent home, he was ready for his letter to say unfit for duty. Or, they'll give him another job. It didn't matter much, he thought as his arm reached for the water and sipped at it meekly. The cold, refreshing feeling of it hit the back of his throat; he was parched. 

"A shower? Now that is something to look forward to. I can feel the dirt in my beautiful locks all too well. Now, for my last act of the moment, Tōru Oikawa will star in the fearless act of: sleep!" Oikawa commented while shakily setting the cup back on the side. A small smile dancing across his lips with his last sentence. Without much thought, he shut his eyes, ready to attempt the dauntless task of rest.

Sugawara patted his arm with a small sigh. “Rest well. You deserve it. Thank you for fighting for our country.” He stood up, placing the chair back against the wall of the room. “If you need me, just call. I’m bound to be awake somewhere.” He chuckled, a twinge of sadness poking through. “Goodnight, Tōru.” Sugawara said, before blowing out the candle that was already lit when Oikawa had arrived. 

Koushi slipped from the room, sighing as he tried to get his head back into the mood. He had no time to do so, as he was already being frantically called for his next patient.


	6. Nightmares

_Brrt brrrt brrrt!_

Oikawa shifted in his sleep. Hands twitching as they would if he fired any weapon on his plane. _"Sparrow 1, there's a -?- zzt!" The radio signal was cut short as two planes collided above Tōru. The brunette had to take evasive measures to dodge the two carcasses. One dead. "-wa-san! Tail! Chase-" Two. His squadron was dying around him. He was one of two of the originals still left. This was a ragtag group of replacements. The dreamscape changed to where his controls were broken. Leaving the poor man to desperately pull on the stick, not changing his direction._

_"Not the water. Not the water. Pull up, god damn it! Pull! Up!" He growled at himself, anxiety setting in as the dark blue abyss rapidly approached. After a harsh yank, he finally got it back; practically hovering over the ocean blue as he panicked. He didn't hit it. Just barely._

_Fire_. 

_The loud beeping of his indicator telling him he was too close to the ground. Oxygen escaping him as his conscious state left his control. "Sparrow 1! Sparrow 1! Can you hear me? Eject! Ej-"_

Tōru woke up in a sweat, his pupils dilated as he blinked. Quick, small breaths filled his own ears. He could do this. He could suffer through this condition. Just take deep breaths. 

That was out the window and his mind went to all the horror stories. Not stories; memories. The pilot was nauseous, his breathing not getting any better as he dwelled on any thought too long. This was normal to him.

Sugawara had been awake for what felt like hours, stitching and bandaging and whispering comforts into those who wouldn’t live to see the sunrise. This night wasn’t any different. The soft sound of a squeaky wheel echoed around the cold walls of the hospital as the man wheeled a stretcher with another dead man atop of it towards what the nurses had begun calling the ‘Room of Death’. It’s where they stored the men who had died until they could be taken away. 

Koushi found himself sluggishly entering the room Oikawa was resting in with a now empty hospital bed. His eyes were half lidded with tiredness, and his hands were shaking slightly - something that the man couldn’t control anymore. He placed the stretcher in the far end of the room. He hadn’t noticed that Oikawa was awake. The silverette just assumed that his tiredness was forcing him to rehear the gasping of all of the men that have died before him. 

With his hands gripping onto the cool metal of the empty stretcher, he closed his eyes for a moment. He just wanted a few minutes of rest; a few minutes of rest without the horrible images that plagued his nights.

Oikawa didn't even process someone entering the room, he assumed it was a flashback--Some family he had been sent to inform about the death of a son. Little, soft whimpers left him as he sat up. The pain in his left side was terrible, begging for him not to move. Bells were going off in his head; this wasn't his normal cot. Tōru didn't recognize the surroundings. Dozens of thoughts flowed in and out of his brain: kidnapped? Dead? Did he sleep with someone again? Dead? Dead? Dead? 

Thoughts paused as Oikawa realized someone else was in the room; muscles freezing in accordance to fight or flight. What were they doing? What time was it? Could he safely leave? Could- Deep breaths. Deep. Was it possible to die of hyperventilating? Perhaps bust a lung from it? It felt like it. He was drowning, suffocating. Some part of his rationale was telling him he was just in the hospital. That it was probably a nurse. Probably came to sleep. It was nothing scary; but the child part of it told him to stay afraid. Either way, he didn't say a word, he just stared and hoped they weren't awake.

Koushi was ripped away from his thoughts by the sound of gasping getting louder. He spun his heel, immediately leaving his tired state and entering the part of his body that told him to be the medic he had to be. He carefully made his way towards the bed. It was pitch black, and he could barely see a thing. “Can I help you in any way?” The man said softly, grabbing onto the frame of the bed where the patient lay. “You’re okay, I promise.” He soothed, his voice sounding like the church bells that would ring on a Sunday morning in the local village. His arm moved to support the patient’s back as they attempted to sit up. His skin was soft albeit the many scars that littered the canvas of his body. 

Koushi would do anything for his patients. He remembered once a little girl who had been caught in a village raid had been brought in. Sugawara sat with her for hours and hours, stroking her hair and humming soft melodies to her as she slowly passed away.

Tōru processed the words being said to him. "Suga, alive?" Was what he managed to force out, he needed to know that he wasn't dead. This wasn't a dream. Everything could be a dream if you didn't ground yourself. Especially in this darkness.

"Not dead. Nightmare. Breathing-" The boy spluttered, pushing the arm away from his back. He didn't like it, he could sit up fine. He was capable. Not weak. Tōru Oikawa wasn't a weakling. Oikawa was shaking like a leaf on a tree, arms crossed and hunched forward. He probably would resemble a little kid who got kicked in the stomach. Bullied, beaten, but he didn't want to be babied. He didn't want Koushi to fuss over him when he was fine. Hyperventilation was normal. It was normal to wake up at 4am like this. That was fine. He didn't get the fuss.

“Oikawa.” Sugawara breathed out, realising it was him. “I’m Sugawara. It’s me.” He breathed out softly. The man wasn’t at all offended by the shove of his arm. As always, as much as there were patients who wanted to be held, many a times Koushi had been roughly pushed back, sworn at, and had to simply just watch as someone died before him. It was just his day to day routine now. 

“Let me help, Tōru.” He pleaded softly, gently taking his hand. “Please.” Sugawara gently began to trace shapes on the back of his hand.

The pilot nodded, "Help", it sounded like it took effort to even get it out of him. But he allowed Koushi to touch him. Mentally giving up fighting it at the tone of his voice. Oikawa hesitated with it all. He didn't want Koushi wasting time he could be resting on him. He didn't want that. As he tried to speak, a whine left instead.

 _Great, just embarrass yourself more, Oikawa._

"Koushi. Rest," he slowly mumbled, contradicting his previous words.

Sugawara gently placed himself onto the edge of the small bed. He wrapped his arms around Tōru, placing his chin atop his head. “I’m okay. I’ve rested.”

_Lying to your best friend? You really are a monster._

He closed his eyes tightly as he began to hum. “I’m here for you. Tell me if you need anything.”

Tōru sniffled, small quick breaths living him still as he balled his fists into Koushi's shirt. "You...sure?" He breathed out, trying to get himself in check. "Help breathe. Can't" he mumbled in response to Suga's last phrase. A few tears had run down his face.

Koushi nodded before moving to so that his face was level with Oikawa’s. “Look at me.” He whispered softly. “Breathe with me, Tōru, I’m right here.” His hands rested gently on the other’s shoulders. The chocolate haired boy hesitantly looking at the other. Inhaling deeply, Tōru listened. Koushi was right there, but why couldn't he calm himself. Just follow Sugawara's breathing. Simple. Not too hard. Just relax. 

"Don't go...again." Tōru mumbled between his breathing, ever so faintly he prayed the other didn't hear. It was such a silly, child like thing to say during these times. He wouldn't admit he said it, he just wanted him to stay. Physically? Maybe. But he was a medic. He had things to do, no matter how much he'd prefer to be held. Mentally? Yeah. He didn't want him to die. Oikawa would deny it even if it did occur. Sugawara was too...stubborn and dense to die, hopefully.

“I’m not leaving you, I promise.” He whispered, gently pressing their foreheads together as he continued to breathe outloud for Oikawa to follow. His soft hands didn’t move from the other’s soldiers. Sugawara would have stayed there for any one of his patients. But this time was different. It didn’t feel as if he was there because it was his job to do so. Koushi stayed there, his best friend in his arms, because he cared for him. 

_No one could pull him away from that moment._

Oikawa's breathing slowly became better as they sat there; the brunette half asleep as he mumbled something about Suga and sleep. 

"Sleep. Stay with me and sleep." Oikawa’s voice sounded fluffy and airy; his hands balled into Koushi's shirt. He mostly didn't want to wake up again, and freak out about how he wasn't in his normal place. Yet, he didn't want Koushi to leave for another reason. He didn't want the moment to end. Tōru wanted to revel in it, and make sure the other slept. His mind needed to make sure of it.

Koushi pursed his lips at the request, turning his wrist to check the watch that sat there. Technically, he was on break, but just like he had been doing for years, he was working through it. Koushi often found himself working for days and days without sleep. After a while, he’d simply just collapse for around half a day before moving to start the cycle again. The staff had gotten used to it, as much as they complained. Sugawara was the only male medic at this hospital, and as much as he believed in the nurses to handle things without him, they really did like to depend on him. 

After a few moments of silence, the silverette mumbled a soft, “Okay.”

Oikawa would be beaming if it was light enough for them to see. But it wasn't. So he just made a happy hum, before wondering how Koushi was gonna sleep. "Angel, as much as I would love to be close, are these cots able to fit two people on them?" The pilot lifted his head off of the other's shoulder; a faint tilt of it could be seen in the moonlight. Sleeping together was gonna be difficult if they only did it on this cot. Because 1). Oikawa's left torso. 2). He couldn't tell how big it was anyways, but it appeared small. And 3). They were both 22/3. Both boys weren't young and skinny enough to be twigs. Although you could argue that Sugawara was on the borderline of that.

Suga hummed quietly, slipping away from Oikawa to grab the empty bed that he had rolled in just minutes before. Placing the frames next to each other, Koushi slowly let his body lie down and relax. It had been so long since he had slept in even one of the uncomfortable cots (as he usually had no choice but to use a chair due to how many patients they had). 

Koushi watched the silhouette of his friend in the faint glow of the moonlight. Eyes traveled down Oikawa's body, noticing how different the pilot looked in this state. The anxiety that permanently hung over the brunette seemingly vanished into thin air, Koushi could only pray that the world would be kinder on him; that more of his innocence would remain intact through out the war. Just like his fear of stitches that was ever present from earlier remained embedded in Tōru; Sugawara couldn't help the smile that graced his face at the thought. It was a very understandable fear, a thin metal object was shoving wire into your body, you could feel every moment of it. Sighing once more, the angel let it his eyes flutter shut; hoping that he would be able to make it without a nightmare.


	7. Showers

A loud horn sounded off to represent the start of the day. As such, it did more of the camps, causing Oikawa to stir from his slumber. Rubbing the sleep away, he blinked over to his right, smiling at the sight of his friend sleeping. 

_He looks so peaceful. Not worn out like last night. Just calm, relaxed even. Koushi really would benefit from it, even if he tried to tell me it wasn't necessary_.

The chocolate haired male continued to watch the other for a little bit, a soft smile creeping onto his face. This was most likely the only time he will see his best friend at peace for times to come. 

So, he took the time to enjoy it before he sat himself up, finally being able to blurrily inspect his surroundings. Koushi had managed to fall asleep as soon as his head had hit the thin, worn pillow. He seemed at ease for once. It was as if sleeping next to Oikawa had calmed the nightmares that he’d usually face whenever he’d try to sleep. The man eventually began to stir as sunlight began to shine onto his face. He slowly blinked his eyes open, letting out a small grunt of dissatisfaction. 

_Still here. Still in the hellhole. It wasn’t one horrible nightmare_.

He closed his eyes again, trying to cling onto the last hopes of sleep, but he knew it was no good. Koushi began to push himself up, already mentally preparing himself for the difficult day ahead.

"Rise and shine, doc. Feel rested?" Tōru's voice chirped, he was facing away from Sugawara, trying to get off of his cot. He could do it. One leg over the other, that was the motto. 

"Nothing like waking up in hell, correct?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm as feet finally touched the ground. He had socks on, and some sort of hospital gown, imagining how he was, more likely than not, cut out of his old uniform. With a hiss, he stood, bracing himself on the bed. Two legs. Two feet. All his toes. Not paralyzed, that was good. His eyes trailed over to the medic; a cheesy smile on his face.

“It’ll have to do.” He sighed, quickly standing up and shoving his white coat on. “Oikawa - you shouldn’t be standing up yet!” From the moment he had awoken, Sugawara had been on the job. He rushed around the cots, gently grabbing the man’s arm. “If you rush, you’ll just hurt yourself further.” Koushi had a procedure with all of his patients. Come in. Rest. Bathe. Redress bandages. Wait for a letter to tell them they could go home. That was generally the rule of thumb. 

“Come on - let’s get you to the showers.”

"But-" Oikawa let his head hang, admitting to it that he probably would've hurt himself. He just nodded, letting the man take him wherever he needed to go. His mouth stayed sealed a lot of the walk. Which was slow, steady like he was some sort of turtle. It was understandable, the left side of his torso hurt worse than hell; another reminder of this hole. 

"Do I at least get something to wear other than this dress?" It was uncomfortable. Not because of it being light. Because he felt exposed without items that fit properly.

Koushi held his arm gently as he led him towards the showers. “It depends. After we receive a letter from your head office, we decide which clothes to give you based on whether you stay or leave. For the minute, we use the dresses.” He explained carefully. Sugawara opened the door, slowly leading him inside. Metal bars spread across the ceiling, with round, rusty shower heads connected to them. 

“I can wait outside, or you can draw the curtain and I’ll wait in the room. If you think you’ll fall, I recommend the curtain.” The two used to bathe together as children, but the friend in Koushi was telling him to be embarrassed, and to just wait outside. However, the medical side of him was urging him to stay on the other side of the curtain, just in case Oikawa injured himself. 

“Either way, I’ll have to remove your bandages before you turn the shower on.” Curtain or to tell him to wait outside. He didn't know which was the better option. As a pilot, he was used to showering with other people in the room, and even in just open showering blocks. That didn't bother him. No, it tugged at his brain on whether or not he trusted his balance at the moment. Figuring how he almost fell once he stood up from the bed, he'd have to go with the curtain. 

"Curtain. How long does it take for head offices to send out the letters back?" Tōru asked, knowing it could very well vary from a week to a whole month. Depended who the person was to them.

“It differs.” The medic hummed beginning to unwrap the bandages that covered Oikawa’s eyes. “How high up were you in your division?” Sugawara asked. The man clearly didn’t mind the dry, now brown blood getting on his hands from the used bandages. He then untied the bow on the hospital dress, folding it up carefully as he removed it from his friend, leaving him in his boxers. Koushi folded the dress later, knowing that it would be washed and reused. He then began to get to work on the bandage around his torso.

"A staff sergeant. It's not the best, but it was something." The answer was simple. The question was what he expected as well, straight to the point. "It meant I got to have a squadron of my own to be the lead of. Not to lead where it went." The brunette's tone was bittersweet; he was supposed to have been promoted soon. But, that was off the board now. 

His gaze trained on the ceiling, letting Koushi do whatever he needed to, to get the bandages off of him. "You nurses have some sort of chain? Like a command chain?" Oikawa asked to fill the silence, he hadn't really been in one of the makeshift hospitals before. So it doesn't hurt to ask, right? Koushi nodded slowly, listening while gently inspecting the stitches. He pursed his lips as he heard that Oikawa had led a team. 

_If he’s here, I suppose things didn’t go too well._

“We obviously have a head office,” Sugawara started, straightening himself up as he placed the bandages on the metal table in the corner of the room. “but we don’t really have an official hierarchy.” He gave a pained smile. “But I’m the one that patients will go to if it’s a particularly gruesome, difficult or.. or hopeless task.”

"So that means I was gruesome? Or was I hopeless" he asked, assuming he was allowed to close the curtain and start the shower. Within a few moments, the sound of water hitting the floor was audible as Oikawa stepped under the stream. It felt too clean. He was used to sweat, grime. But now he was getting a shower. The man eyed around the area, spotting shampoo, or whatever it was and lathering his hands with it. Then studied his hair. This continued till he was washing his body. 

He blinked. Looking down to see how bad his torso really was. Tōru yelped from surprise, it was burned. Burned, cut, jagged. The stitches lined a good amount of area. So much for his attractive body. The next thing he noticed made him laugh lightly, "So. Boxers are made for showering right? But at least my dick isn't ruined! He's all there, hell-" the boy laughed, leaning against a wall for support.

“You were a sight for sore eyes.” Koushi laughed quietly, sitting himself on the table in the corner. Closing his eyes, he listened carefully to the sound of water. 

“I’m glad your manhood is still intact.” The man chuckled quietly. “I think you’d be too upset to live without it.” He grinned, keeping his eyes closed. 

“Are my stitches alright? Nothing seems out of the ordinary - nothing is bleeding or hurting more than it should be?”

"Your stitches are beautiful, Koushi. They're nothing less than what I'd expect from you." The pilot complimented, leaning over a bit to make sure everything was still in place. 

"You're right. I don't think I would know what to do with myself if I lost my little guy. Though he's not li-" Queue a thud sound, followed by a series of whines about how he just wanted to check his manhood, not ‘drop the shampoo’. Although that didn't make sense with the whines, and swears that filled the room afterward. 

_Note to self: New vision doesn't read distance as well as old vision. Good to know, but I think I broke my dick._

"I'm fine, I'm fine! I just uh- dropped the...the shampoo! Don't worry about it!" Oikawa's voice was higher than usual, not to mention the fact that he started to stumble over the words as well. Before the medic could say anything else, the thud resonated around the room. Quickly standing up, Sugawara ignored his words as he opened the curtains and stepped inside. Clearly not caring about the water falling over him, he leaned down, gently beginning to help Tōru up. He was already soaked, silver hair sticking to his face. 

“You’re a real dumbass, you know that?” He breathed out playfully before moving to check if his stitches were still in place. “I think you’re all good - although I can’t say much for the little guy.” He grinned as the water kept falling down on them. Sugawara kept a gentle grip on Oikawa - one hand on his arm, one hand on his waist - to keep him stable.

"I- no! I'm not the dumbass. My ass isn't dumb!" He pouted, looking at his feet. "The li- Sugawara, he is not little! He's a little above average, and I can prove it!" Tōru whined, squirming in the medic's grasp. If there wasn't water pouring down on them, Oikawa was sure that you would hear his heart doing flips from how close they were together. The male told himself it was because of the near death dick experience he just had; but honestly wasn't sure. All Koushi did was make sure he wasn't going to fall over again, it didn't mean anything more. Just. Support. Yes. 

"Well, I think I am done showering, sir. And now you're all wet. Which isn't fair on your part." Oikawa muttered stubbornly, ruffling the silver hair; which now was sticking all over the place from the water.

He grinned, chuckling at his friend’s complaints. “You’d be surprised at how many people I’ve had to help bathe - believe me, this isn’t the first time.” Still keeping a hand on his arm, Koushi reached over to stop the water, shaking his head like a puppy as he did so. His arm moved to wrap around Oikawa’s waist as he helped him walk to the table. Once Sugawara knew he was stable, he let him go. He picked at his shirt that now stuck to his skin, highlighting how skinny the man was. Koushi grabbed a towel from a container under the table before wrapping it around Oikawa.

"Still! I should've been more careful" The pilot tried to argue, lightly drying his hair first. He very softly ran the towel over his body, then threw it on Sugawara's head.

"I don't care if this isn't sanitary, get yourself dry or I'll do it for you. You know I have my methods of getting what I want." Tōru stated playfully, a grin on his face as he swung his legs. He wanted outside, not to be led back to the makeshift tent. Not to be laid back down; rest was good yeah. But he was restless. Oikawa urged him to ask if they would be going outside the hospital anytime soon, but decided to not let himself be disappointed if he was told no. With a small sigh, Koushi began to dry his hair. He didn’t see a point in trying to dry the rest of him. He didn’t have many clothes left without holes in them - and it’d dry anyway. Folding the towel up and placing it with the dirty hospital dress, Sugawara leaned down to a different container, grabbing new, clean bandages. 

“I can tell you have something to say.” The medic mentioned nonchalantly. “So just say it.” He glanced at Oikawa as he began to redress the wound on his side.

"Outside. Can we go outside, Suga? Please?" His voice sounded small, a little too hopefully for the expected outcome of the reply. His expression was beat up; if he could do puppy eyes, he would. But with one swollen, it made it hard to be convincing. A pout would have to do, his bottom lip jutting out slightly as he stilled his movements. 

The brunette didn't want to accidentally kick the silverette in the crotch from his swinging of his legs, (although it would provide good entertainment. But no chance of going outside.)

Koushi sighed softly once he heard his request. “Why outside?” He questioned. “You’re safer in here than you are out there.” 

Was Sugawara scared of the front lines after his accident? Scared wouldn’t be the right word. Anxious? Cautious? Truth was, he didn’t know what to call it. He just couldn’t have a repeat of last time. Koushi hadn’t stepped foot outside of the second division hospital after being admitted. The only outside he knew anymore was the sight of sandbags through windows, and the sounds of planes flying above them. 

“I could probably arrange something, but it wouldn’t be with me.”

"How am I safer in here?" The pilot retorted. Inside was a prison. Matter of fact, Oikawa wasn't fond of the hospital. It was easier to be outside where there weren't any walls. How could you not want to be outside?

"And why not with you? Not even one walk around the hospital. Just one?" The art of pushing buttons, Tōru figured he might as well see what would happen if he jabbed it. He didn't think it was wrong, just a doctor actually getting outside. Not being confined to white halls, and the stench of blood. 

"Get some fresh air. Sure, I could trip on what, a pebble? But in here I'm left with...." What was something mildly dangerous the man could snatch easily. "Bad eyesight!" 

Nope. That. That wouldn't help his case. "Scissors! Needles-"

“I’m not going outside.” Koushi snapped firmly, cutting Tōru off from his sentence. He had stopped applying his bandages, but took a deep breath and continued. It was rare for anyone to see Sugawara like that, especially Oikawa. 

_It’s safer in here than it is out there. It’s safer in here than it is out there. It’s safer in here than it is out there._

Oikawa's eyes widened, clearing his throat. 

"Yes, sir. Sorry, sir." it was an automatic reply he gave now, his words sounded dull. He didn't talk again once after that point; not desiring to be yelled at bitterly. 

After his wounds were dressed, he didn't bother with asking again. Oikawa understood it now; some buttons shouldn't be touched. Some might trigger reactions that you didn't know were a thing. "Are we done here?" His voice was cold, waiting for his robe/dress back.

Sugawara nodded curtly, handing him a clean dress from under the table. He felt bad for snapping, but the idea of going back out chewed at Koushi down to the bone.

_It’s safer in here than it is out there. It’s safer in here than it is out there._

Koushi moved to grab Oikawa’s arm to support him once again. He hesitated. “Do you need assistance, or are you alright to walk?”

Tōru shoved it on without looking over at the silverette. The bow was haphazardly tied, but it would do the job. It was fine. This was just a bump in the road. 

_Don't ask for the help. You can do it._

The brunette slid off the table, stumbling a bit before he steeled himself on the metal table. 

"It's up to you, sir. What do you think I require?" The brunette roughly spoke, staring Koushi down. "Because I'd appreciate it if I could lose the stick in my ass and apologize. But I don't know the parameters of the apology I need to make."

He kept his eyes trained at the ground, bottom lip between his teeth. Sugawara shook his head slowly. “I’ll help you back to your room.” He mumbled quietly, slowly taking Oikawa’s arm. 

After a few moments of walking, Koushi softly said, “I’m not like you, Oikawa. I can’t keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome.” He looked down slightly. “I envy you in that aspect. It’s safer in here than it is out there.”

_It’s safer in here than it is out there. It’s safer in here than it is out there._

_Envy. Sugawara wants to talk about envy of all things. Of course._

"Don't envy me, Koushi. I am nothing to envy." He started, clenching his jaw as he tried to refrain from sounding too abrasive. "I run into things to deal with unspoken words. Half the time, there isn't a different outcome. Effort is required to make a different outcome each time." The pilot shook his head, angry tears pricked at his eyes. He hated the doctor's reason for envy. 

"I envy you, I'll admit. How you can become so desensitized to things; act so numb and cold. You do things so calmly, so collectively that I wish I had. To be able to numb myself from the screams of people. I can't comprehend it."

“You think I’m not numb?” The silverette asked, stopping them in their tracks as he turned to face the other. “You think that every time I close my eyes I don’t hear the pleads for life, the gasping, the sound of death?” Koushi asked, voice shaking. 

“Every time someone drops a piece of equipment, I duck for cover. Every time I hear the slamming of a door, I bring my hands to my head.” He roughly wiped his eyes to stop his tears from falling. 

“Desensitised..” He scoffed. “I fucking wish.”

Oikawa didn't answer. How was he supposed to? He stood there, hand reached out to the other's face, but stopped himself. He caused that. Those tears, how prideful was he? Ashamed. 

Slowly he dropped his hand, eyes focused on the floor. 

"I didn't know. I apologise for making you upset, Koushi-Kun. I think I can make it to my area fine, thank you." Oikawa said almost monotonically, distraught by the description of his friend's experience. PTSD. The brunette roughly swallowed, understanding exactly what he meant. But didn't want to risk even more disputes.

He faltered at that. This wasn’t the harm he had meant to cause. “I-I didn’t..”

_Don’t argue with the patient. If it’s their last day, it’s not your choice on how they live it._

“Alright.” He said, slowly letting him go. “I will send a nurse to check on you soon. Have a good rest, Oikawa-san.” 

And with that, Sugawara slipped his coat on, plastered a smile on his face, and hurried to the stretcher that had just come through the doors.

Weeks had passed since Oikawa’s and Sugawara’s fight. The latter had been sending different nurses to check on Oikawa, instructing them to take him outside every once in a while. The most the medic ever saw of him was when dying men were brought in, and just like the first time, he’d have to send them off to sleep. Even so, he didn’t dare look at the pilot unless he was sleeping. 


	8. Dear Staff sergeant Oikawa,

It was a relatively quiet afternoon. Although the sound of planes could be heard from above, there weren’t as many injuries or gunshots. The nurses were hoping that they had pushed the perimeter. A nurse, the same small, blonde one that had wheeled Oikawa in the first time, slipped through the doors, holding up an envelope. “Oikawa-san,” She greeted. “A letter.”

"Thank you." Slowly he took it from her, ushering her off with a small, "Can you please bring Sugawara-Kun in. If he's available." The pilot broke the seal, carefully pulling the paper out. The nurse nodded before running out of the room; supposedly on her way to locate Sugawara. It would be a blessing if he actually showed up this time. The last few requests proved futile to the pilot; although Koushi was warmhearted to a majority of the staff, they had no clue on how long he could hold grudges. Running a hand through his hair one last time, Oikawa inhaled deeply before resting his eyes on the words. 

**_Dear Staff sergeant Oikawa_ **, 

_We regret to inform you that your eyesight does not meet the standards for piloting. You will be revoked of your status as an airmen, and will stay where you are. You will be there as a flight instructor; for maneuvers and protocols. You are not authorized to pilot, or use an aircraft. You will not be promoted to the spot we promised before, as you are unfit for duty. You would not be able to fulfill the needs. We need the best of the men in the skies: you no longer fit this category. You can choose to decline this offer as a flight instructor, and perhaps opt into a different spot around your camp. The medallions and other awards you earned as an airmen will be kept. As for your squadron, it will be handed over to Sergeant Hajime. It will rest safely in his hands -- as the Dawn Sparrows were one of the best squads we had._

**_Sincerely_ **,

**_Office of Aviation._ **

The paper fell to the floor, eyes staring blankly at the wall. He was done. Not discharged. But he lost a reason to even try anymore. Everything felt unreal as Tōru's mouth fell into a straight line. He had no purpose here. In the current state of the world, a young man needed a purpose to continue fighting -- to make himself a spot in the ranks. All the purpose Oikawa had before left him within a minute, evaporating into thin air as his eyes scanned over the words. ' _We regret to inform you that your eyesight does not meet the standards of piloting._ ' The words could have been predicted from a mile away, yet to the grounded pilot it was a shock to his nervous system. Everything that he put time into, all the wasted effort was thrown out to the dogs. The dogs who fed on kills, downed planes, destroyed cruisers: ruined USA ships. It was as if the hellhounds rose out of the depths of hell just to personally drag Toru underneath the molten core of the earth. 

It was a few minutes until Sugawara walked into the room. He was wheeling in an empty bed. The man looked even worse than he did a few weeks ago. His eye bags were darker, his face paler, and - if it was even possible - he looked even thinner. There had been a surge in patients over the last few weeks, and it had really taken its toll on the poor medic. After abandoning the stretcher to one side, he approached Oikawa carefully. “You requested me, Oikawa-san?” Koushi asked, bowing slightly to the pilot. The distress on Toru's face hadn't processed in the medic's mind as he focused on the ground. 

"The letter." He bent over, snatching it off of the floor and handed it to him. After a beat, the former pilot spoke, "Don't call me Oikawa-san. Drop it, please." He murmured; so far he sounded like he was in a far off land. Eyes barely meeting the other's, and when they did; you could see the internal conflict. Oikawa studied Koushi, seeing the deeper, darker bags. How he looked more sickly, a knot grew tight as he remembered the last few weeks. The silverware looked worse for wear, Oikawa could only imagine how much work he had been doing. His eyesight never really recovered over the weeks, both blurry and hazy, but he could see the damage stress has done to the medic.

Sugawara quickly took the letter from him, eyes scanning over it quickly. After a few moments, Koushi let out a soft, “Oh, Tōru..” He frowned deeply as he watched the man battle with himself. “No.” He said. “No, this isn’t how it’s ending for you.” Koushi sat on the edge of his bed, looking into his eyes. “Let me train you. Become a medic, stay here with me.” He begged. Sugawara had no clue on what to do besides plead to the brunette. He sympathized the feeling of being lost -- of losing your purpose in this hellhole. Memories of his past flooded into Koushi's brain as words spilled into the open air. What words could reassure a pilot, who had only known a cockpit and his squad for years? The medic had no idea; what good would he do if he let Oikawa feel pointless in here. None. None of it could fill the void.

_Everyone needs a purpose in this damn war. I’d go insane without one._

A sad smile gilded onto Toru's face as he stared back blankly at Suga. "I don't think I'd be able to stitch people up, Koushi." He mumbled, eyeing the window with no intent. He swore himself for dropping his guard those months ago. The former pilot turned back to the medic in front of him, "I'll stay. You don't have to worry about that." Something was off about Tōru's tone. Like a forbidden thought was being thought over and over. The brunette stood, carefully wrapping his arms around the other, hands grasping the back of the medic. "I can't pilot. I can't-" his voice was faint as he mentally processed what he had read. Sugawara held Oikawa close, burying his head into the other’s neck.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Sugawara whispered softly, holding him tightly, as if he’d disappear if he did not. Koushi stayed there for a while, eyes closed as he listened to his friend’s breathing. “How can I help? Please, anything..”

The man held back his tears. Though he knew he'd not be able to cry anyways. What was there to do? Oikawa moved a hand to run a hand through Sugawara's hair, hushing him gently. "Give me something to do. A purpose. Please." He said evenly, his voice soft and fragile as he pondered his words. "Yet I doubt I'm gonna be a good medic, Suga." Tōru commented, making sure the other knew he wasn't disappearing anytime soon. Toru's heart yearned to vanish, but he knew the other would probably give up if Oikawa stopped trying. Yet he had an idoitic plan thought up, not fleshed out; rather placing his every thought.

"And maybe something that's not a hospital gown to wear." He snickered, continuing to mess with Koushi's hair.

“Oh my god.” The medic breathed out shakily, clutching onto him. “Oh my god.” Koushi wanted to stay holding him. After a few moments, he slowly pulled away, noticing the tears slipping down his cheeks. “Why am I the one crying?” Koushi breathed out, smiling sadly as he rested a hand on Oikawa’s cheek. His thumb gently stroked over the soft skin.

"Because, you're an angel." Oikawa breathed out, wiping away Sugawara's tears as he leaned into his hand. He felt like crying, but he couldn't. He just eyed Suga, did he dare say it. Kiss him? Did he kiss the crying medic, or play it off as a kiss on the cheek gone wrong. Was it appropriate? 

_No. Sugawara just, meant it- in...-?-_

Oikawa knitted his eyebrows together. "Hey-" He mumbled, cheeks flushing a bright red, but he couldn't get the rest of the words out. 

_Fuck, Oikawa. Just do it. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No._

Sugawara glanced up at him, tears slipping from his face and onto the thin bed sheets beneath them. “Hm?” He managed out a small hum, hand still resting gently on his face. The man looked into Oikawa’s chocolate brown eyes. 

_God this is embarrassing. I’m in a bigger state than him_

"You um. You-" Oikawa gripped the sheets, looking up at the silver haired male. "Kiss?" That was where the chocolate haired male turned crimson, tearing his eyes away from the man. What the fuck did he just say? Did his mouth disobey him and have the audacity to ask his best friend. His best friend, to kiss him. On the lips. In a way he knew he wouldn't get. Why would he oblige. If this was some animated show, you could see little fumes coming from Tōru's head as he over thought. His internal turmoil sputtered around in a panic. Suga widened his eyes slightly, lips parting as he froze. Sugawara took a moment to process the words. 

_Kiss?_

It looked as if Suga's emotions sat on a fence; they could go anyway. However, a bright smile spread to the silverette’s lips as he laughed. It wasn’t cynical - it was one of happiness and joy. Suga placed their foreheads together, the smile still on his mouth as he slowly leaned in, brushing their lips together before fully moving in to kiss him. The brunette was... Surprised. He didn't expect the other to actually. Do it. To kiss him. He was frozen for a minute. But quickly returned the kiss. He more of followed, soft and slow. Pulling away for a air carefully. His eyes catching Koushi's. "You just- Did I- We-" the boy sputtered, hiding his face in his hands. 

"ohmygod I just kissed my best friend.." Toru squeaked, peeking through his fingers. "You aren't- joking about this ? You, meant that? Did-"

As the brunette pulled away, Sugawara laughed heartily once again. He nodded, a grin on his face. “Life’s too damn short.” He breathed out, moving so that both of his hands rested on Oikawa’s cheeks. Koushi hugged him tightly again.

"It is too short. But out here? Damn, it could see like forever." Oikawa hummed, nosing into Koushi's neck. This was good. There was no awkward ignorance of the pair. They were acknowledging each other. "But if you don't get some rest, and I mean take a break. I will, find the nurses, and make them work more because you need rest." Tōru didn't mean it to sound as a threat, but it ended up coming that way. It was out of love, and concern. Because sleep deprivation can kill you, and that was a pretty lame way to go. "But..teach me? How so, Suga?"

Sugawara hummed quietly as he took in Oikawa’s words. “Once I train you, then I’ll rest.” He mumbled quietly, his fingers moving to tangle in the other's hair. Koushi eventually pulled away. “You’re going to be a medic.” He smiled softly. “Just like me.” Sugawara was quite excited. Not only would he get to work closely with his friend, but he’d also be able to lighten the load that rested so heavily upon his shoulders.

"Angel, I think you're putting a lot in me, where I'm terrified of needles," the pilot mumbled; enjoying being close to the other. It was a long time since he got this attention. But Sugawara made it all sound easy, he could never be just like the silverette. Hell, with the eye problem, and needle phobia, he was pretty much a fixer upper. He could try to get Koushi to overcome his fear. The one of being outside. If he was going to overcome needles, the medic needed to see it wasn't all that bad out there.

“It doesn’t matter.” He immediately said. “We’ll be a team.” Sugawara breathed out. In complete excitement, he leaned forwards once again, placing his lips onto the other’s once again. Sugawara had only had himself for so long. He had been caught in a cycle of self-loathing and hatred for so long. But now Oikawa was here. He had completely flipped his life upside down - for the better, of course.

"But you- hmh" Oikawa was cut short by the abrupt kiss. He squeaked in surprised, returning it with a small peck. "You're excited, aren't you? But you gotta promise me one thing. You'll come outside with me; at least once." He leaned back in and kissed Koushi again, eyes gleaming. His life was about to get a lot more full. The former pilot knew. But what the medic didn't know was that the pilot had other plans. Sure, he would become a medic for Suga; keep him sane. But to feed his own sanity, the other had to get near planes. He had to at least be able to work on them. Had to break the orders. Not tonight. Just sometime. 

"Well, what do we do now, Koushi?"

Koushi pulled away for a moment, looking away as he held his breath. “Tōru - about going outside. I don’t think I can. Not yet, anyway.” Koushi looked down at the pale bed sheets. It had been years, but the sound of that explosion still echoed in his ears. The sight of a dead father next to him. The screams and blood and-

 _Breathe_.

Sugawara took a deep breath, closing his eyes tightly.

Tōru nodded, but took the medic's tired hands in his. "It's something we'll work up to, alright? Not right now. As time goes on." His voice was soft, making sure the other knew that he understood. That it was going to take time to set foot outside of a safe place--where Sugawara had no chance of being in danger. "Suga, angel, hey, talk to me. We're not going outside today, pinky promise!" The pilot called, his voice feathery light. Don't overwhelm him, just coax him to talk. The brunette wasn't good at comforting, he found it hard to make it seem okay. Times would get better, it was difficult. For Sugawara, he'd try even the most daunting things for him.

Sugawara slowly lifted his head to look at Oikawa. “Alright.” Koushi nodded. The medic stayed where he was for a few moments more before slowly sliding off of the cot and straightening himself. He checked his watch, sighing quietly. “I’m on break in five.” Sugawara mumbled, stifling a yawn. He hadn’t had an official break in the last 48 hours, and having been in an argument with Oikawa had made it worse.

"If you're technically not on break yet, could I get proper clothes?~" Oikawa proposed, watching the other stifle a yawn. Things slid into place again as the former pilot laid down, neatly folding the forgot letter. A keepsake for the time being. It would become more important over the years. Another symbol of people saying he couldn't do it. 

"You'll be using that break for sleep though, correct? Not working through it?" As much as Oikawa loved the work effort of the other, the dedication to his work; Koushi could be stubborn about resting. Especially with the guilt of his accident.

Sugawara nodded hurriedly. “Excuse me for a moment.” He said, slipping out of the room. The man returned minutes later with a shirt and trousers. Handing them to Oikawa, he offered a tired smile. “I’ll rest, but if a patient is brought in, I won’t deny them of service.”

He was grounded. To compare it lightly, Oikawa was a bird whose feathers were clipped in a way he couldn't fly. The wings were intact, but were left to deteriorate with no usage. Look, but don't touch. You can move yet everything denies you of what you want. To fly. Being pulled out of his thoughts, Oikawa graciously accepted the clothing. "It's better than having my dick stick up through this. So I'll take it, angel." Without taking a second he started to change, undoing the gown and sliding the trousers on. Oikawa looked like a boy scout by the time his shirt was on now too. Tiny. The shirt engulfed his frame; allowing him to tuck it in under the waistband. 

"There! Don't I look much better! Now, take my cot, and take a nap. I have some journaling to do." He said, his voice chipper as he stood up, looking forward to shoving Koushi towards the makeshift bed.

“Tōru, I can’t just take your bed.” The silverette laughed, stumbling slightly as he was pushed forwards. “We have chairs - I’m fine.” The man grabbed a metal chair from the corner of the room, placing it by Oikawa’s cot. Slumping in his seat, the medic closed his eyes, immediately furrowing his brows at the images he could see. He inhaled a deep breath, subtly shaking his head, pleading for the memories to go away. 

_Just a little bit of sleep. Please. Just a few minutes._


	9. Lullabies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for being IA. I haven't felt the best lately, but here's chapter nine. I know its short, however chapter 10 is longer.

He shuffled every so often, letting out small gasps and quiet snores. Koushi would sometimes mumble words that only made sense to him. 

_I can see it. The faces of everyone who I’ve held. They’re all stood before me, asking me the same question;_

_Why did you let us die?’_

Suga clearly was not sleeping peacefully. Sugawara wriggled, eyes shut tight and eyebrows furrowed as he became more and more panicked in his unconscious state. The grounded bird quietly wrote in his journal; it was given by a nurse when he requested paper a few weeks back. Most of it was keeping track of things that were going on. Retreats, advancements. Any new aircraft info he got a hold of. Oikawa's eyes would drift over to his right, furrowing his brows whenever Koushi let out a gasp. Oikawa carefully set down the journal as his friend's state became more distressed. Was the best move to wake him up, or softly run his hand through the silver locks? Silver locks and whispering soothing words was the plan at the moment. It would hopefully reach the other, and let him be more at rest. Easing himself off the cot, Oikawa sat on the floor, keeping a hand in the other's hair as he wrote. 

Sure, he could stay up on the cot, but if Koushi was suffering in dreams, then Oikawa wanted to be in a little discomfort as well. Sugawara cursed softly as he slept, grip on the arms of the chair tightening with every passing moment. One minute he’d be fine, and the next was a collage of death and horror laid out before his eyes. Koushi sat up straight in the chair, eyes snapping open. Everything had just been memories - except for that last damn image. 

Why? Why, of all the things that could have shown up in his mind, it had to be that?

_Oikawa, in Koushi’s arms. Begging for his life. Bleeding. Screaming. Pleading._

The medic leaned onto his knees, putting his face into his shaky hands. Oikawa silently shut the journal again, shifting his position so he was kneeling in front of Sugawara. Heart wrenching at the sight. 

"Angel..? What's going on, is there anything I can do?" He asked, avoiding touching the male; he knew that if he was in this state, Oikawa wouldn't wanna be touched. So he just hovered, worry filling his eyes. Sugawara's leg bounced up and down rapidly, causing his whole body to shake. Mumbling into his hands, Sugawara occasionally gasped for air after forgetting to breathe. 

_He’s right in front of you. Calm down._ But still, the medic shook violently. “This is why I don’t sleep..” He managed to choke out. Oikawa rested a hand on Suga's knee, squeezing it lightly. "Breathe with me, Suga. In for 5. Hold for 4, out for 6. Can you do that with me?" Oikawa requested, mimicking what he meant for the panicking medic. He opened his arms up for Koushi in case he'd rather be held than left to his own devices. "I believe in you, just follow my breathing. Okay? We can talk after you calm down."

As soon as Oikawa had opened his arms, Koushi had immediately fallen into them, head resting on his chest as he breathed heavily. “This.. Stupid fucking - war.” He muttered, shaking his head as he clutched onto the other tightly. It was rare for Sugawara to be held. Every day, he held hundreds of men who had fought bravely for their country, and yet before Oikawa’s plane crash, the medic had been held by no one since the day on the train platform. It was different; comforting. Softly, Oikawa ran his hands through the silver hair, keeping him close. "Deep breaths, hon. I know the war is stupid. It's shitty, causes havoc to the human body." Tōru said, resting his head on the edge of the cot. He let the medic rest in his lap, humming childhood songs in an attempt to distract his mind. 

"You still need to rest, Koushi, so how ‘bout I strike a deal? You," he paused, thinking through any consequences this would have. "Fall asleep, or try to sleep, in my lap. So I, in all my glorious talent, can sing those silly lullabies?"

Koushi closed his eyes once again, holding onto Oikawa tightly. “That’s what I do to some of our nurses..” He laughed weakly, voice trembling. “Everyone here is so broken..” Koushi made no complaints against Oikawa’s idea. Shuffling in closer, the medic rested his head upon the boy's lap, closing his eyes as the other’s soft voice soothed him to sleep. 


	10. We'll meet again

Fast forward two months, where Oikawa was talking to a patient, dressing his wounds and nodding to whatever they had to say. The former pilot wasn't too talkative; only answering the simple questions and making sure to bandage up spots. A nurse approached him as he waved goodbye, telling the newbie that Suga wanted to see him. 

_Why now? I thought his break wasn't for another hour, hell, my break isn't for another... three? Something long, it must be mind-blowing to pull himself away from the work._

His outfit had been changed, not by much. Just the generic uniform for a staff sergeant; in no means would he come off as a nurse. Smiling he walked to the nursing station, leaning onto the counter. "So Suga, what's it this time? Another bl-------- at work?" He sniggered, eying the silverette smugly. Sugawara had taught Oikawa everything he could that didn’t involve needles or stitches. He was rather proud at how his ‘student’ was coming along. Koushi had been planning this day for weeks. He had written constant letters to the head offices, as well as worked even harder to earn even a little bit more money. Everything that he had earned in the past few years was going towards this. 

As Oikawa walked in, Sugawara leaned opposite him, flicking him on the head gently. “Don’t be so grim.” He chuckled. “Besides, I’ve got you a present.” He moved to grab a small paper bag from under the counter, placing it before Tōru.

"Sugawara-- Now why, would I get a present? It isn't even my birthday!" The student squeaked, eying the brown paper bag with suspicion. "If I find out that this took your food rations, I will be laying in on you." Tōru grumbled, grabbing it lightly to judge how heavy it was. For a moment, the brunette swore it was a prank from how light it was. Oikawa's hazel eyes flitted up to Koushi, uncertainty in his eyes as he finally reached into it. Upon further inspection, Tōru froze. It was a pair of glasses. Small, circular, wire framed. The glass didn't have a single smudge on it; brand new. 

"You, you got these for me?" Immediately he put them on, dashing over to the nearest window; he could see more properly. All the planes, the tents, trucks; it looked clearer. Soon enough, the man dashed back to Koushi, grabbing his face to inspect it. "I knew you had pretty eyes before, but now they're stunning!"

Koushi grinned brightly as he watched his friend dash around the room with his new item. “I’m glad you like it.” The medic chuckled, hands gently resting atop of Tōru’s as he took his face. He stayed there for a moment, letting them both analyse each other. Koushi subconsciously leaned into his touch. “Does it help? Can you see a lot better than before?”

Oikawa nodded softly, "They do! You don't look this messy blur anymore, you have definite parts- I can see all the small details on you." Gently, he kissed Suga's forehead, and a smile plastered onto the pilot's face. "Thank you so much, angel. Open the window will you?" He motioned towards the one he just ran to, before running down the hall; absolutely forgetting he wasn't on break. Soon enough, through the window you could see Oikawa, flopping onto the grass and staring at the sky like a puppy. "Koushi! It's so beautiful, the clouds make sense! The trees have leaves!"

Koushi placed his chin into the palm of his hand as he stared out the window. With a small, content smile, he watched Oikawa roll around and gasp at many of the things that he could see once again. “I’m really, really glad you like it.” Sugawara said again, a small smile on his lips. “Do you have any idea how difficult it was to keep that a secret? And how difficult it was to get a hold of them?” He laughed.

The brunette sat up from the grass, shaking his head in response. "No clue on how it could be difficult to keep it a secret. Getting hold of them? Very understandably difficult. How long have you been planning this, Koushi? I'm really curious~" The man commented, hoisting himself off the ground to make his way to the window. A smile was constantly on his face as he leaned on the sill- how was Sugawara _that_ pretty? It was nearly inhuman, the way he radiated soft warmth. How his smile was infectious, and once you saw it you might as well consider yourself lost in him.

He placed his hands on the window sill as he leaned onto it, a small smile on his face as he watched Oikawa do the same. “I think a few days after we had our argument.” He hummed in thought, nodding after a few moments to confirm it. The sun gently shone through the window, lighting up the boy. Although the bags under his eyes were prominent, his skin still glowed, illuminating not only his face, but also the gentle scars that littered it.

Oikawa looked astonished, had it really made sense at that point? His jaw probably comedically dropped from being baffled, before he squeaked, "really? That long--Suga that.. That's -" Tōru was speechless from how much time Koushi must've spent on this 'project'. It warmed the former pilot's heart, but also sunk it. 

"Your scars," Oikawa gently thumbed at the medic's face, tracing over various Knicks n knacks in the skin. Truly, his appearance was that of a fallen angel. One who had seen his fair share of time out in the world; it was beautiful. Showing that even those with painful reminders, can still bring a whole lot of good to what's around them. "They're so... splendiferous. Hon, you really do have a way with the offices though; please tell me you didn't have to do anything dirty to get these."

Sugawara leaned into Oikawa’s touch, letting the other trace over the indents in his skin. “It doesn’t matter how I got them.” Koushi whispered softly, closing his eyes and relishing in the warm sunlight. “All that matters is you can see again.” The silverette opened his eyes after a few moments, looking up at his friend. He grinned, chuckling quietly to himself. “You look so different, Tōru.. A good different, but different.”

Tōru hummed, nodding his head slightly. He had changed. On his left eye there was a crescent scar from a nasty fist fight at a bar, and his hair had grown out slightly from it's usual length. His eyes themselves had a white tint due to fire from the wreck and various scars left over his neck. "I suppose I have, haven't I?" His voice was soft and quiet, taking in the warmth of the sun. The student hadn't gotten to go out in a while, so he was relishing this. "Are the glasses not my style? Circular doesn't work for me?" The puppy esque man chuckled, ruffling Koushi's happily.

“It suits you, I promise.” He chuckled. Sugawara leaned out of the window, past Oikawa as he looked up at the sun. “The soldiers must be struggling today.” The man sighed, moving back into the cool shadows that the hospital walls provided. 

_It’s safe here_.

“Hm, Tōru?” Koushi asked softly after a moment.

The brunette hummed in agreement. "It'll be hard for pilots to see today. The sun reflecting off the wings and ocean will be a killer. Not to mention, it's gonna get hot." A twinge of sadness laced Oikawa's tone. He missed hot, sunny days like these; it made for a great challenge for his new recruits. _Miss that. I can't run off and try if I wanted to, but I've got something else to do now._

"Yeah, Koushi?" Tōru said softly, his gaze focusing back on Sugawara.

“Would you go back to it?” He asked quietly, looked down at his hands that held the windowsill. His grip tightened slightly. “Knowing what happened, would you go back to it?”

_How is he even outside? The thought of touching the grass makes me sick to my stomach._

Sugawara looked up at his friend again, pursing his lips as he waited for a reply. The medic felt a chill run down his spine, even despite being in the hot sun. His pale hand gently went to rest atop Oikawa’s out of habit. The two hadn’t kissed since the first time, but Koushi often found himself absentmindedly touching his friend in some way.

"To piloting?" After a moment's reflection, he hummed. "It would depend. I've never really liked the ground," Tōru's gaze turned to the sky. "I feel more free up there. I don't have to come down for hours, I can admire the clouds, see what a bird feels like." A sentimental feeling had come upon his mood, absentmindedly playing with Suga's fingers. "It's not that I hate it down here, it is better than being sent home. But," his voice dripped with envy for those who could still pilot. He knew the other person from his squad was most likely given his promotion. Snatched it from the palm of his hand, leaving him with nothing but hand memory. 

"I just have to be more aware. Of where I step, look, who I'm addressing; how I'm dressing. There's more social pressure." Sure, Oikawa loved people. People loved him, but he was treated like eye candy. He couldn't _do_ anything besides sit and look pretty for the press. That's what his higher ups used to say at least. "In short, knowing what happened, I would go back. There's a thrill you get from dog fighting that nothing else compares to."

Suga clicked his tongue quietly, studying his face as he spoke. “I don’t know how you do it.” Koushi said quietly, reaching over and readjusting the glasses on Oikawa’s face. Running a hand through the other’s chocolate hair, he tilted his head. “If you received a letter tomorrow, telling you you could fly again-“ Koushi paused, taking in a breath. “Would you?” The medic didn’t know where he was going with this. He was acting on his impulses, something he’d never usually do. Every aspect in the medical field had to be carefully thought out. Clean cut. Executed perfectly. 

This was a wobbly, messy stitch, and yet the silverette relished in the feeling. Being with Oikawa, touching him, gave him a rush that he couldn’t describe.

A 'tch' sound came out of Tōru's mouth as his eyes darted to the ground, head bowed. "Only if the bastards in command change. They need to train their pilots better." That was the issue. You could replace pilots, but they were dropping like flies because the training was getting sloppier. Oikawa couldn't recount the amount of times he had to teach a basic formation because greenies didn't know it. Hazelnut eyes met pastel brown ones, "I've got you back. So why would I bother accepting it anyways?" Oikawa asked gently, a faint smile lacing his lips. Piloting was something he did without thinking, it was simple. 

_Easy_.

Yet something about being with Sugawara made Tōru want to leave it all behind. Leave those stupid planes; the dreams of grandure, and keep the fallen angel from falling further. 

"Why do you ask?"

Koushi eventually leaned back, standing up straight and brushing the dust from his trousers. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he let out a small hum. “I was just wondering.” He sighed. “I assumed as soon as you got your glasses, you’d be rushing to send your letter of pleads to aviation.” Sugawara turned around, staring at the sickly white wall in front of him. “I thought that’s what you wanted.” A small frown fell onto his face. 

_Why am I thinking about this now?_

The brunette stiffened, turning his back to face the various activities outside. "Glasses are still counted against me. You can't fly with them, you have to naturally have good vision." The grounded pilot mumbled quietly. Confused as to why he was being shoved off. Just like any other patient who had fully recovered.

"I'm glad I can see, Suga. But now the least I can do for aviation is teach the greenies." Oikawa said, looking over his shoulder. What was going on in the silverette's head? Quietly, he listened to the broadcast going through the camp; it was always music at this time. Soft, slow. Calming. But sad.

Sugawara smiled faintly as he looked up at the ceiling. He turned back to Oikawa, moving back towards the windowsill. “I.. I should get back to work.” He said softly, the sound barely audible. Closing his eyes, he leaned forwards, resting his head against Oikawa’s chest. The medic took a shaky breath in, before exhaling slowly. The song really did represent what the two of them stood for. Years of emptiness; loneliness and yearning for something more in the rotten world. All of that melting away to finally getting a small bit of sanity - finally getting to be around him. 

_I know we’ll meet again some sunny day._

"Your break is in an hour right?" The brunette said, lifting Sugawara's head to give him a soft peck on the lips. Tōru made his way back inside, hugging the other from behind before stepping away. 

"C'mon doctor. We can cuddle during your break, we got lives to save!" Tōru chirped, giving the silverette his biggest smile. He just wanted to get away from the war. It was sickening him, especially with the knowledge that food rations were being cut down so they could provide more for the front lines.

Sugawara laughed softly at Oikawa’s behaviour, shaking his head as he did so. “It’s easier to wrap bandages when you can see.” Sugawara grinned, nudging him softly as he looked up at the taller man. 

As soon as they left the dressing station, Sugawara’s name was called from one of the medical rooms. “Looks like I’ve been summoned. Good luck soldier.” With a cheeky salute and wink, the medic rushed off, ready to either save or send another man.


	11. Blue birds.

Oikawa flashed a smile before his name was called, and rather urgently. The male rushed down the hall opposite of where Suga went.  He already didn't like the looks of it. A leg. Blown off. And nurses desperately trying to get the flow to stop. Towels upon towels drenched red. "Wh-" The pilot didn't get time to ask before a tray was shoved in his hand by a nurse, "Stitch." The blonde said frantically, practically pushing the frozen male to the chair.  Everything seemed to freeze frame around Oikawa. No sound was audible as he blankly stared at the needle and surgical wire. Not this. He didn't sign up for this. Tōru didn't know how to stitch up a man. Sugawara specifically told him he wouldn't teach him. Because of his irrational fear. 

All of that was out the window when Oikawa sterilized it, taking a deep breath as he shoved it into the patient's stub; remembering sewing lessons from his mother and doing that. A cross stitch would hold. Maybe a ladder stitch? There was no maybe. There had to be a yes. And he went on it.  Nausea wrecked him once he 'finished', dropping the needle as soon as he got it sewn. 

_ It looks like a child sewed up it's stuffed animal without proper instructions. Suga is gonna kill me if this guy dies of infection _ . 

_ Leave. Leave the room. Get out. Get out. Run. Out.  _

Toru did. But just outside, and slumped down the wall. Never again.  Sugawara had just emerged from the dressing station, covered in dried blood that wasn’t there when they had parted ways. Upon seeing Tōru against the wall, the silverette quickly kneeled down by him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Hey, what’s wrong, what happened?” His hazel eyes had noticed the fresh blood that had taken home on his clothes. “Tōru - talk to me.” The medic pleaded softly, noticing how the pilot's face was rather pale. Koushi continued to have a hand on his shoulder, his fingers gently tracing shapes into the fabric.

"I think I ruined stitches-" Oikawa mumbled, blankly looking up at Sugawara. Dread filling his eyes, as he looked at all the blood on him. That wasn't coming off anytime soon. But the boy just shook his head, hand moving to lay on top of Koushi's. "It was so much more difficult than any stuffed animal repair. And the sounds he let out as I did it-" he trailed off, meeting Suga's eyes. "Looks like I'm still not ready for it-. But did it- sort of..go check the stitches..'' Voice wavering but otherwise he appeared fine, laughing softly at the thought of him doing it again.

The medic widened his eyes. “I told them not to make you do stitches!” Koushi scrambled into the room where Oikawa had previously been.  After a few minutes, he emerged once again, sliding down and sitting by Oikawa. “You.. You weren’t too bad actually.” He breathed out. “But holy shit you gave me a heart attack..” Sugawara ran his hands through his hair. “And some people say medical is the easy way out!” He laughed, resting his head on the man’s shoulder.

"I just did what I used for stuffed animals.." The brunette mumbled, head in his hands. He hated that whole experience, but was glad he didn't fuck them up completely. 

"Sorry for scaring you, I didn't think I'd be doing stitches today..." His voice was nervous, shaking his shoulders a little at Sugawara laughing. "This is anything but easy, I could've let a man bleed out if I didn't do stuffed animals--"

“God you’re amazing.” Suga breathed out, shaking his head. “You pulled off stitches in one try. They may need to put some more in - but you did it. In one go.” He looked over at Oikawa, smiling softly. “You’re practically in shock. Here.” Sugawara slipped his coat off, gently placing it around Oikawa’s shoulders.

Tōru chuckled at that, holding the coat close to him as he leaned into the other. "One go? Damn, I'm impressed with myself. But it's nothing like you could do, Koushi." The pilot said, still hiding his face, afraid he might throw up if he tried moving. "you would be in shock too if you had to do a thing you feared the most!" Oikawa squeaked, gently pushing Sugawara some. He was glad the other was attempting to cheer him up decently, or at least to get him to joke. The only reason he could do stitches was animals, and watching Suga. Albeit, very vaguely watching because he'd then leave the room clutching his stomach.

“Do you want some water?” Suga asked, moving to the cups of water that were placed on the table in the hallway. He grabbed a metal cup, leaning down to pass it to Oikawa. Sitting down next to him once again, Sugawara let out a slow exhale. “True.” He chuckled quietly. 

_ That’s why I stay in my comfort zone.  _

Sugawara ruffled Oikawa's hair. “You should rest. Take my break; I can work through it.”

Instantly, the pilot downed the cup, shaking his head at the thought of taking Suga's break. "No, I can't do that. I can wait for mine. Don't work through yours." Voice strained after not breathing for water. He meant it. He didn't want to impede on what wasn't his. He practically squawked at the ruffling of his hair, a pout sitting across his face.  Standing up, Oikawa returned his cup, heading to wash his hands off the now dried blood. "I'll be fine. I promise!" 

_ That was a lie. Suga would know that. Suga would force him to take the break. But he couldn't. Busy yourself somehow Oikawa _ .

“Oi.” Sugawara whined after him, standing up. “Tōru, please? There must be something I can do to help you if it’s not you taking my break.” He folded his arms. After a few moments of silence, he nodded curtly. “Exactly. I can’t think of anything - so just take my break. I promise I’m okay. My limit’s a few days away.” He chuckled softly. 

_ Should I be concerned that I know when my limit is _ ?

Sugawara followed him, eventually falling into step besides the former pilot. “Please?”

"A few days?" The brunette echoed, busying himself with paperwork. Most were on patient's status, some were supply charts. Anything to get Sugawara from breathing down his back. He was dense. Stubborn. Koushi was the type to not let a topic like this rest until you gave into him; Oikawa knew this and refused to give in.  Even if the other whined, which was rare, you practically had to be doing something stupid for that. The situation here wasn't stupid. Oikawa just wanted the silver haired male to rest. For him to stop his habit of working through his breaks. 

"No. I'm not gonna take it from you. I'll do paperwork. Alright? Paperwork." Although most of it was turning out illegible from the shaking hand. Neither acknowledging they could switch the break time. So Oikawa was stubborn, maybe until it clicked. 

"I'll take yours. Alright? IF you take mine which is in two hours. If you don't, I will make sure to whack you in the head with something"

Sugawara pouted at the denial of his request, watching with a raised brow as Tōru shakily tried to complete paperwork. Before he could stop him, Oikawa had done it himself, finally giving in to the offer with an idea. “At least you won’t hit me with a needle.” He joked, grinning happily. “Go and rest. There might be a spare bed somewhere, but if not, there are some chairs in the hallway.” The medic put his hands together, clicking his fingers as he smiled at Oikawa. “I’m going to get back to work. Enjoy your rest!” The medic chuckled as he jogged out of the room, leaving his coat with Oikawa.

The brunette about punched the medic then and there at the needle comment. Sadly, Koushi was already running down the hall, leaving a fuming puppy at the counter. 

_ This man is going to be the death of me. One of these days I'll drop dead from his actions _ . 

Tōru thought with a shake of his head, scouring the rooms for an empty cot, when not finding one he took the chairs, throwing Koushi's coat over himself as he used his arm for a pillow. He hadn't done this since the war started.  He was a new airman at the time. The squad kicked him out of the barracks, forcing him to sleep outside in the canteen. It was cold, rainy and miserable that night if the former pilot remembered correctly. So these conditions were amazing.


	12. In the haziness of downtime.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHIT HITS THE FAN HERE LMAO

It had been a week or two since Koushi had given Oikawa his glasses, and he could tell his spirits had been lifted - even if it was just a little. It had been a long few days at the hospital, and Sugawara had been rather busy. He couldn’t imagine how much more difficult it would be if he didn’t have Tōru.  The field medic made his way out of one of the many rooms, sighing as he wiped blood on his shirt, scrunching his nose slightly. Sugawara made his way into the dressing station, sighing as he did so. “What a long day.” He mumbled to himself, checking his watch. He hadn’t seen Oikawa in a while, actually.

Oikawa had a plan. It was cruel. But it was necessary. He wanted to show Suga that he could go outside if there was a reason for it. So there he was, getting ready to fall in front of the dressing station window. His plan? Fake breaking a bone.  Ten points to himself if he got the man to cry. So there the man was, currently falling down the hill in front of the window. His glasses were left on the counter inside, (he didn't want to risk breaking them.) And so his dramatic show started. Yelping along the way, he slammed into the side of the building, yelping loud and whining. Would it be enough? He hoped so, because not lying; it hurt.

The silverette perked up at the sound, quickly leaned out of the window. “Eh? O-Oikawa?!” Sugawara ran out of the dressing station and towards the door that led outside. He opened it, hesitation clear in his feature as he bounced on his heels. “Shit.. Shit..” Koushi mumbled, glancing up at the sky. His heart pounded in his chest, the sound echoing in his ears.  He gently tapped himself on the head, mumbling out, “You’re fine. You’re fine.”  He was at a crossroads, stuck on what to do. But as his eyes landed on an injured and screaming Oikawa again, Koushi sprinted from the door, running to his friend. 

It was clear he used to be a front line medic. The determination shone on his face, and he was quick, too. He kneeled down to Oikawa, rolling him over. “What’d you hurt?! Tōru?!”

Tōru hissed as the other touched his shoulder, "Paws off the goods, doc. I'd never believe my eyes if I saw you out here!" A vibrant feeling of smugness settled over him. 

_ Just keep him out here for a little bit. You don't have to take him to the canteen, the shooting range, bar. Just here in the grass. Near the flower bed. That was good enough _ .

A smug smile was on his face, carefully he sat up, "So I see that did the trick of getting you out." The fact that he actually hurt his shoulder enough to bruise was besides the point now, everything was focused on how Sugawara got himself outside. Outside AND with Oikawa. It might be cruel. Sinister, undermining, but it was impressive.

Sugawara froze, instantly paling as he realised what Oikawa had done. “F-Fuck you.” He managed to breathe out. His eyes darted around quickly, and Koushi shook his head. He scrambled to stand, using the moment to sprint towards the door. 

_ It’s safer in there that it is out here. It’s safer in there that it is out here _ . 

The medic could hear explosions, screaming. He could see red, see the ground before him going up in one big cloud of dirt as the bombs beneath him went off.

The brunette bolted up, refusing to let his plan go to waste. "Sugawara! Now wait a goddamn minute!" The former pilot yelled, attempting his best to grab any body part he could manage. First try? Nothing. Only dirt. Second? He caught the end of his coat, pulling backwards hard on it. 

"Calm down. There's nothing bad here!" Oikawa mewled, tugging on the coat. This was already going awry. People could start staring, wondering what was going on. Why there were two medics fighting outside of the tent. Tōru didn't care, all he cared about was trying to get the male to stay with him. For five minutes at most. 

"Please!"

Sugawara fell backwards at the hard yank of his coat. The man immediately shut his eyes, flinching as if he was bracing for some type of force to hit him. His eyes were shut tightly, body shaking like a leaf in a storm. “Let me inside - Let me. I-I need to go inside.” He begged quietly, arms moving to protect his head as he faced the ground tightly.  Oikawa’s words merged in with the screaming and yelling that Sugawara could hear. He tried his best to block his ears, but the sound just wouldn’t go away. The medic let out a small cry of pleading; begging for the noises to just disappear.

Bewildered, Oikawa let go. Watching in horror as the medic broke down shaking; pleading for everything to stop. Noises that Oikawa knew were auditory hallucinations, yet he couldn't help the other. "Koushi, there's nothing here. You can go inside now. Sorry for pushing you, I should've been direct." Oikawa spoke gently, a twinge in his heart strings of how he made this mess. A shaking mess. No amount of humour from Oikawa could fix it. But that was okay. He at least tried; regretted it but attempted to break him out of the white walled prison.  With a grunt, the chocolate haired man opened the door to the hospital, allowing a quick escape route for Sugawara. Poor thing looked like a single fly could shatter his entire persona.

Sugawara shook his head quickly. His mind was in a battle with itself- one half begging for him to leave. Leave before something bad happened again. The other told him to stay. Stay with Tōru, have him for support and to finally be able to go outside again. Tangling his hands into his silver locks, Koushi bit down hard on his lips, gripping onto his hair so tightly it looked as if he could pull it out. He attempted to take deep breaths, but his body seemed to be failing. “Help.” He managed to choke out to Oikawa, hoping he’d understand the medic’s intentions. 

_ As safe as it is inside, please help me to be normal again _ .

In an instant the pilot was at Koushi's side. "Darling, you gotta breathe first. I can't help you until you're inhaling and exhaling properly. I'm not letting you die of hyperventilating."  Carefully, he pulled the other into his lap, untangling his hands from his hair. Tōru took Suga's hands in his own, lacing them together and humming some random song. It was something that was picked up on over the course of these past months; Suga liked listening to him sing. Even if his voice was pitchy, it grounded the other; letting him know he was physically there. That his auditory processing was hearing him too. A distraction. 

As a minute passed, he finally muttered something besides the song, "Can you inhale for 6 seconds? Then hold for 5? I know you can do it, angel, you're so smart. Finally, exhale for 7, you got this in the bag. There's no enemy around here. We're safe. I don't see a single enemy fighter. It's alright."

Sugawara gripped onto the man tightly, desperately trying to follow his orders. Koushi continued to shake his head, hoping the sounds in his head would disappear.  As Oikawa began to sing, Sugawara found himself beginning to hear him better and better. He buried his head into Oikawa’s chest, pursing his lips as his breaths began to slow down. 

_ I’m here. He’s with me. This isn’t the front lines anymore _ .

Koushi slowly looked up at Oikawa. Although he was still shaking, his breathing had calmed down, and the loud screams had faded slightly.

"You're doing great, lovely. Just like that. Deep breaths." Oikawa soothed gently, trying to find it in him, that caring tone. The motherly tone that Sugawara used on him too often. 

Looking down at Sugawara, the brunette smiled. "Hey there, angel. I'm right here. I can hear you thinking loudly, just slow it down. Look around us," Tōru's gaze panned out the area. Pointing towards different buildings and explaining what was in them, talking quietly as if not to startle the latter. Pet Names were easiest for Tōru to use, it's how he comforted people or sorrowfully attempted. The man doubted he was any good at it.  Moving a hand down and up Koushi's back, the taller hummed along to the radio, occasionally pointing around some of his favorite flowers.

Sugawara stayed like that, leaning into him as he slowly looked around. Everything looked so different now that he was with Oikawa. The sun shone down once again, a soft breeze blowing through the garden. He slowly made his way off of Oikawa, kneeling in the grass. 

_ Nothing here can hurt you. You’re fine _ . 

Koushi’s eyes were glossy, tears had glazed over them. His lips were parted slightly as his eyes slowly scanned the garden. “I can’t believe you did that..” The medic breathed out.

"Did what?" The brunette asked, confused by the statement made. Was he talking about faking an injury to get him outside? Oikawa stayed in his same spot, making sure the silverette was okay. 

"The flowers? I only planted a couple of them." Tōru stared into the sky, relishing in warmth that the sun provided. It was a good comfort. One he would enjoy more if he wasn't in a forsaken camp. Under different circumstances, he'd have Sugawara in his arms. At a park. Or in a garden, showing him how flowers grow at different paces. 

_ Maybe he'll come out more now _ .

The medic let out a slow exhale, eyes looking up at the blue sky. It was so different in contrast to the grey, smoke filled above that he was met with on the front lines. His subtly trembling hands trailed against his scars as he looked down at the grass. 

_ No land mines. No bombs _ . 

“You faked an injury to get me outside.” Sugawara whispered, turning to face the brunette. Koushi’s lips curved into a small smile. “I’m outside..”

"That I did, hon. It wasn't my best performance, but it did the job, more or less." The pilot remarked, happily giving the other a grin. The boy looked at a kitten who had never been allowed outside, and now that it was, it had no idea where to start. It was cute. Seeing how innocent Suga looked, realization in his eyes that he wasn't gonna get killed, or injured--that he was safe.  The situation made Oikawa giddy, he did a good, at first horrible thing right. "We are outside, yeah. Isn't it better then those dingy white walls, Koushi?"

Suga nodded, closing his eyes as he let the wind ruffle through his hair. “It’s so much better.” Koushi hummed. A small smile reached his lips, and the silverette laughed quietly. His hands rested in the grass, gripping onto the green strands gently. “Oikawa, you are the dumbest person I’ve ever met.” Sugawara laughed, lifting his head to look at him. 

The boy stood up, looking up at the sky. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when his ears perked up. He thought he could hear a low rumble. “Tōru, do you hear that, or is just me?”


	13. Hold my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry

"I'm not-" Oikawa shut himself up, scrambling to his feet as he scanned the sky. "We don't own anything at this camp with big engines." He felt the knot in his stomach tied painfully, as the pilot spun around, trying to see what was there. If it was even a plane. "Not fucking today. Not the fucking day I got him outside!" The pilot swore loudly, ears turning bright red as he panicked. 

This was different. He wasn't in a plane. If he was, he could shoot the damn thing down. Finally, he spotted it. Them. There were multiple. Two XB-38'S. The American flying fortress. Along with two A-24--Banshees.

Banshees whistled when diving. A deathly scream is what made them notorious; it was scary as a dive bomber. Even worse, they brought two heavy bombers.--They were fucked. Severely fucked. Oikawa urgently pulled Sugawara off the ground, "Get yourself in gear, medic. Get supplies. Make a kit. Bandages-" The pilot was cut off by the raid sirens playing loudly. 

This was too far. He didn't want anyone to get fucking hurt. He didn't want to lose Koushi in this shithole. Tōru shook the male again, eyes desperate, "Please. This wasn't supposed to happen today. It's my bad luck, my fault." His words blended together as he heard their own fighters taking off into the air. "I'm so so sorry, Koushi." Oikawa's voice was thick with anxiety; he didn't like to be on the ground in these scenarios. Everything in him was telling him to run. Run towards those aircraft. Break the rules and fly. But then there was his kitten. There was Sugawara. 

In the distance you could hear fighters. Enemies. A p-40, kittyhawk. A p-36, hawk. And two, CW-21's, demons. This was fucked. He was panicked. Which way to run. Which direction. Which- the sound of shells being released filled the air as Oikawa tackled Sugawara to the ground. Cover. They needed cover.

Sugawara had completely froze, eyes widening as the smile dropped from his face. “T-Tōru..” He managed to choke out, not exactly knowing what to do so. He moved to run back inside, desperately trying to follow Oikawa’s orders. 

_ Even flying above a hospital is a dirty fucking move _ . 

Sugawara stopped in his tracks at the sound of the siren. His eyes darted around, looking for any other patients who were outside. They seemed alone. As soon as Koushi’s brain had nothing to focus on but the planes, it all came rushing back to him. The screams. The explosions. The gunshots.  He choked on air as a plane flew overhead. His heart thumped wildly in his chest. 

_ Do I run? Do I drop? What about the patients? The nurses? What about Oikawa? _

The silverette hit the ground as Oikawa tackled him. The sound of shells whistling through the air instilled such a sense of fear in the man. His hands immediately moved to protect his head. He had no protective equipment - no hat, no vest. “Shit! Shit! Fuck!” The medic yelled, mostly subconsciously as he shut his eyes tightly. 

_ I need to go inside. The patients. Oikawa. Outside. Planes. Shells _ . 

Sugawara felt like he was going to faint as he led on the floor next to Oikawa. Was this it? Were they just going to die here, side by side?  Although Sugawara had been in the front lines, he had never once experienced an attack on a hospital. It was an unspoken rule - it was a dirty play by anyone who dared do it.

"Suga. I need you to prep kits. Please. I- Fuck" Oikawa swore, watching as dirt from outside was up in the air. The sound of dirt hitting the walls with force entered the halls, Oikawa grabbing Sugawara and dragging him with him. "Listen to me, listen closely. We get the patients who can walk. Prioritize those first. Then come back for those who can't walk. It's terrible, I know. But not everyone here is gon-" Another thing of dirt hit the wall; Tōru's blood was curdling as he could hear screams over the sirens. Shit shit shit. They were dead here. Dead.  Looking ahead you could see nurses panicking, filing patients out, trying to get them to the wooded area near them. It wasn't that big. Not even a forest. But it was coverage. The bombers wouldn't drop where they couldn't see clear targets. 

_ What do I do. What do I do? Where are my glasses? Where?  _

He couldn't see well. His glasses are still on the dressing station counter. Hell, in the panic they were probably shattered. Tōru had no chance at flying without them. Not a chance of making any difference. Quickly, Oikawa shoved them into a hospital room, covering as he heard a sharp whistle. 

_ Not here. Not them. Hit the canteen. Hit that, not this room _ . 

Fuck. The sound pierced his ears as Tōru balled around Suga, the exit they came from, was blown to shreds. By the force, Oikawa could only assume it was from a Flying Fortress. Sounds of gunfire in the skies were loud, the sound of a failing engine made its way to them.  Out the window you could see the wreckage of a P-36, right where one of the basketball courts was. It was a war scene now. Instincts cutting in as he looked down at Sugawara, "Please. We have to make it through this. You have to be alive. Come on, honey." Oikawa's voice was laced with panic, hands preventing him from the fact of denying it. Should he risk it?

_ Get your glasses. Get them. You need to see. You need to pilot to save him.-Them. Save. Try. You can't sit here and be useless _ .

Sugawara let Oikawa drag him around for a while, unable to speak. His mind was racing, heart thumping rapidly. His arms stayed over his head as he ran. If there was one thing he didn’t want - it was to end up like the many soldiers he’s seen whose heads were hanging on by a flimsy piece of skin. “Fuck!” He yelled, flinching every time he heard the whistle of a shell.  Koushi roughly slapped himself on the cheeks. “Shit!” The medic looked over at Oikawa. “I need to get patients!” He yelled above the ferocious sounds of bullets and whistles. The siren still screamed, making the hairs on Koushi’s arms stand up. 

_ We can’t stay here. We’ll be blown to smithereens _ . 

Sugawara looked at Oikawa, a newfound purpose in his eyes. “We’re fucked!” Panic laced his tone as he looked around the room. Cracks had begun to appear in the ceiling, sending a sharp chill down Sugawara’s spine. 

The P-36 looked as if it were about to burst into flames at any moment. Then they’d be truly stuck.  Hurriedly, he dragged Sugawara out of the room, the room engulfed in a deep red as the flames of an explosion licked it. The P-36 had blown. "Suga, go help your patients. I'll be back" The pilot said roughly, running to the dressing station, impressed that the glasses were there. If anything, they teetered on the edge, gasping for life like everyone else here. 

What was the best route out? Hazelnut eyes darted around, shutting quickly as he dropped to the ground; another bomb. It was bigger this time. No whistle. A whistle implied it was a dive. None, meant it was one of the fortresses. That was mortifying. While they had big bombs, the precision was off if you did it too soon. 

Haphazardly, Tōru took off, skidding down the hall where he just came from. The end of it was mangled; the wire from the foundation hanging out of the cement, blocks scattered everywhere as it was filled with dust. No bodies. None yet. Looking above, he could see the anti aircraft guns trying to fend off the bombers; flak and shrapnel in the air. Big black clouds of it, causing the fighters to weave, Dodge, change course.  Quick on his feet, Tōru made a run for it. The klaxon alarms ringing loud as ever, more motivation to get to the strip. He could see it. He could see half of it was in flames. Blood, body parts; people's remains scattered on the tarmac. It was vile, if it had been a regular day, Oikawa couldn't stomach the sight; fleeing would be his course of action. This wasn't the case as he hopped into the closest plane he could see-- A KI-84. It would have to do. Putting on the mask, and goggles that went with it, he leapt into the cockpit.

_ You'll lose your ranking after this. You'll have broken code. You will be sent home. Won't get any benefits. Sugawara would be dead. You don't want him to die. Do it for him. Break it for him. Break it and bend it, shape it for him. If it is for him; in order to keep him alive, do it.  _

The engine started with a roar, propellers turning slowly. It gained momentum as he started down the tarmac. It was now or never. 

Make the move, Tōru.

* * *

The medic scrambled down the hall, joining the other nurses in attempting to get their healthy patients out. “Pass them down the line!” He yelled, helping wounded men up. Sugawara looked around, noticing one of the hallways were blocked off. 

_ Shit. Fuck. That’s where the clean supplies are _ . 

Sugawara ran to the pile of rubble, hurriedly trying to climb over it. His hands felt like they were about to rip into two. Grabbing everything he could, he shoved it all into a large bag. Another explosion rang around the hospital, causing Sugawara to drop, using the bag to cover his head. “Where the fuck was the whistle?!” Koushi didn’t know a lot about planes. Christ - he was a medic, and they were barely trained in that department by the government. 

Sugawara’s trembling hands couldn’t unlock the window. With a grunt, he threw his body against the glass, throwing the bag through and to one of the nurses. He climbed back over the rubble, rushing to check if each hospital room was empty. “Start moving the stretchers! Grab the medicine! Grab equipment!” He yelled, eyes darting around the sickly white walls that were turned a horrifying grey. Looking towards a pile of rubble, Koushi’s eyes immediately fell onto the pool of blood at the bottom. 

_ We’re dropping like flies _ . 

The silverette didn’t know what sounds were real or fake any more. Is that ringing the whistle of a bomb? Or had his eardrums burst?

* * *

Tōru was off the ground. He broke the rules. Broke the code. Broke it for him. Oikawa felt his stomach knot, cranking the gear up into the belly of the aircraft. His eyes scanned the scene, spotting the other fighters duelling it out.  The P-40 was shot down; landing on top of the cantina. Two fighters down. The two CW-21'S managed to stay up. It was five against two on them. 

_ Not my problem. My problem is the fact that my ass is gonna get fired because your leader didn't teach you to focus on the bombers. Not the god damn distractions _ . 

Tōru spied a banshee, preparing for a dive; this was his chance. Quickly, he turned, looping over the craft and shooting it from behind. The tail wing shattered off; it was done for. No tail wing? No control of your wind. You're dead.  It spiraled out of control in mere moments, the explosion from it too close to the hospital. Fuck. He would have to lead them away. Get them away from it. Chase it off.  Pulling to an even current, his thoughts were rapid. The two Fortresses were circling back for a round two. The other banshee pulling up from a successful run--On the barracks, and tarmac. No more planes. No more going up. He made it just in time. Oikawa inhaled deeply, preparing to follow and kill the damn American filth who thought he could make easy targets of people. The pilot didn't remember if it was a war crime or not to Target hospitals; but that sure as hell didn't matter in the moment. Killing it. Destroying the body of the craft was a much smarter idea. Was deadlier. And did more good than discussing war crimes. Maybe he was a little too eager as he rushed the banshee; only for the pilot to pull up sharply. 

This bastard could fly.

* * *

Koushi's shoes had blood on them. His coat had blood on them. His hands had blood on them. Koushi climbed over another pile of rubbling, running down the hallway to check every room. “Hello?!” He called out. The scent of smoke reached his nostrils, and Sugawara froze as he noticed one of the rooms engulfed in flames. All he could hear was screaming, pleading for help. 

_ It’s happening again _ . 

Sugawara knew that they wouldn’t make it. He was a medic, not a firefighter. This, however, did not stop the man from helping those who had escaped up. “Climb up that rubble there, keep going till you find an exit, jump out of the window - anything!” He begged, shepherding them through.  Sugawara could feel the flames getting hotter and hotter as the scolding sparks licked at his skin. As soon as all of the patients had made it over the rubble, Koushi followed suit, beginning to panic as the fire pursued him.  “Get out!” The doctor yelled down the hallway, falling onto his knees before sliding and scrambling to get back up. “There’s no time! Go!” His voice was going hoarse from.. Panic? Smoke? Desperation? He didn’t know.  Sugawara was so close, so close to the doors when he heard a weak cry from one of the rooms. “Shit..” The medic mumbled, glancing at the approaching flames. The silverette ran inside.

_ I will never willingly leave you behind. _

* * *

Oikawa barely managed to deal with the second banshee. His head spinning from the lack of breathing he had been doing. Hazelnut eyes watched carefully at where the plane fell. Into the garden. The garden he worked so hard on. The garden where he had been only an hour before. This was ridiculous. Luckily, the fighters finished off the two CW-21'S. So there he was. Landing the plane. He looked up and trusted they could handle the bombers.  It didn't matter. He was up there long enough, he needed down. Especially with the two planes practically on top of it.  Cranking the gear down, Oikawa bounced off the grass, this was bumpy. But the tarmac was ruined. So the flat patch was the best thing to a landing zone. This wasn't the toughest thing, but was incredibly annoying. With a last look at the plane, he took off. The ground was worse. Everything was more devastated then when he took off. Blood. Screaming. Please. It was too much, overwhelming the pilot as he stumbled to hospital, noticing stretchers dashing towards the treeline. Was Suga there? Was he safe?

Sugawara didn’t waste time in helping the man up. At closer inspection, it was the man who Oikawa had stitched up - the man with one leg. As they emerged from the room, they were practically surrounded by flames. Throwing his body against the window, Sugawara assisted the man to climb through. “Go! Crawl! Run!” He told the man before moving back through the hallway. One more room. That’s all there was. One more room to check, right by the doors to the garden.  Koushi’s skin screamed for water - for air. His white coat was now grey and red - misty and evil. Poking his head into the final room, Sugawara called out, “Hello?!” He coughed, practically wheezing. The flames from the bombs and planes were beginning to enter his system.  Once Koushi was satisfied that there was no one else alive, he began to head for the door, roughly trying to push it open. There must have been rubble, or a plane part on the other side, because the medic was struggling. With his limited strength, he couldn’t manage to break the window next to it either. 

_ Think, Suga, think. Can’t go the way you came. Fire. Can’t open the door. Can’t break the window _ . 

“Fuck!” Koushi swore, trying his luck at the door again. The metal handle was scorching hot. The medic banged on the window, hoping - praying it would break.  _ Is this it? _

Oikawa mustered all the strength he had to run to the area where soldiers and patients were clustering. "Koushi? KOUSHI!" The brunette's face was sweaty, eyes darting around. He wasn't there. He asked nurses, patients. No one knew where his kitten was. Tōru felt a rush of anxiety, eying the hospital. People were climbing out windows, burns covering their bodies. There. He must be. 

_ He's dead. He's probably dead. Don't hope much. Don't get your hopes up. _

"Damn it. Damn it all." The pilot swore, rushing towards the building. Windows. Check all the windows. Break them. Every single one. Fuck them.  He snatched an empty IV pole from the camp, apologising profusely as he ready himself for the inevitable.

One window. Already smashed. Go to the next. It wasn't. The sound of broken glass hit the air; no one. Next. Already done. The next. Smash. The boy hit it, eyeing inside. "Suga! Suga please! I swear you can't be dead. You can't-!" Oikawa wheezed, smoke filling his lungs. Was this how he was going to die? Smoke? The smell of burning flesh entering his nose at every other inhale.  Two more until he found one. It was cracked. Not broken. With a loud thud, the pilot slammed the IV pole into it. 

"Suga? Suga?" Oikawa's eyes landed on the other's pastel brown ones. Thank to the ever loving fuck. Immediately he dropped the pole, reaching his hand in. "Come on. This isn't it. Come on!" He growled, tears running his soot covered face.

Sugawara had begun to stop trying to break the window. He had given up, accepting the fact that this was his fate now. He was sliding to his knees, until;

_ Smash _ !

Sugawara's eyes darted up, catching onto the man who looked like an angel in that moment. Oikawa Tōru. Koushi wasted no time in taking his hand, stumbling out of the window as he wheezed, the smoke blocking his airways. Leaning onto Oikawa for support, he gasped in pain at the feeling of the air hitting his burnt skin. 

But it wasn’t over. They still had to make it to the woods. They still had to go around the flames that had engulfed the fallen planes. Koushi wasn’t sure if he could take much more of it. His head was spinning, vision blurring every so often on top of his unstoppable wheezing. Glass shards stuck into his arms like candles in a cake from where he had thrown himself against windows.

"You look like shit-" Oikawa wheezed, swinging the man into his arms bridal style. "Stick with me here, kitten. You gotta stay awake." Shakily he stepped around, crushing the burnt flowers even more. So much for a paradise of a day. His glasses were fogged, vision blurring every step around warped metal. This was hell. His worst fear. The woods were so far away; do it for him.

_ Do it for him. Do it for him. Do it for him. Bring him back. Bring this stray; this underfed white kitten, back home. Take him home. Get. Him. Home.  _

Thoughts became less coherent as the landscape got warmer, hotter each time they passed a wreck. Tōru had nearly burned his arm each time, hair catching embers and smoldering.  Get to it. You can see them. Just yell for help. Yell. Something, he encouraged himself as they approached the rear of the camp. "Help.. him.." Oikawa managed, eyes full of tears as he shoved the silverette on a stretcher. 

_ Is he dead? Am I dead? Why is it so black? So disoriented. Is this even the right place? Or a hallucination? _

Koushi felt himself be lifted, and for a moment he had simply assumed that he had died. His breaths were clogged, and the medic was practically coughing up that back smoke. “Tōru-“ Sugawara muttered.  Tips of Suga's hair were beginning to go black. His white coat charred. The flames had caused his skin to gain many red patches that would most definitely be noticeable in a few days. 

_ He told you to stay awake. You’re so close.  _

As much as those words repeated within his mind, Sugawara felt his eyelids grow heavy, his body beginning to go limp as his skin burned violently all over. Koushi held onto Oikawa as best as he could, but his grip eventually began to weaken. Toru was beginning to go limp.  The brunette had passed out. His dreamscape was terrifying. Sinking in and out of shades of red; smoke clogging his lungs and painting a disaster. Tōru wanted to believe he was dead. That the war had finally ended his life; god please let it end. Someone came and put him down. Kill the hound inside of him; the one that yearns for blood in the sky. Please kill it, and let his kind one remain.


	14. When I trusted lying lips

The kitten. There was a kitten in the dream. His paws were blackened, the tips of it's fur a dark grey. It seemed familiar. Home. Was he home? Did he have a home? Would he be able to even move. Oikawa was reaching for the kitten--suddenly it was snatched away. Desperately the boy chased after it, only to be stopped by a wall of fire. Risk being burned to get what you want? Or play it safe and lose hope.  What to do. What to do. He couldn't sit there. He had to jump through.  Oikawa woke up somewhere. His burns were covered in something. A nurse was talking to him; what was she saying? Where was his kitten- Koushi. Koushi? Did he ever find him, was he alright?

Sugawara felt himself hit the ground. Everything was still a blur as he looked around. A blob of brown and white - Oikawa. The medic scrambled over to him, leaning over him with his body as he covered his head. “No. No, no, no, no..” He mumbled, coughing wildly again. The next thing Koushi saw were the furious flames of red rushing towards him. And then everything went black. 

_ So that was it? No goodbye. No farewell. Just a sense of false hope that we’d be fine. He should’ve left me in that building to burn - at least that way I wouldn’t have dragged him into this too _ .  _ No goodbye to the nurses. No goodbye to my mother? She’s most likely dead by now - don’t get your hopes up. No goodbye to Oikawa. The one person that’s kept me from falling even more. He held my hand, pulling me up and supporting me to stand. But it’s all gone now _ . 

Even when Sugawara began to hear the frantic nurses - he didn’t wake up. If anything, he begged to be killed. There was no point. No point in living.

The pilot kept fading in and out of being awake. Eyes blinking open to the sight of trees, a blanket over him, and people chattering. He wasn't dead. That was a workable start, all Tōru had to do now was find Koushi. He got out right? Right. Hold onto that please.  Nothing on his body seemed damaged--minus the clothing that was seared away, and a few minor burns. Better than missing a leg. An arm. A head. Carefully, the male sat up, groaning as he saw nurses everywhere. No end to where they were going. Scanning the layout, he noticed that there were multiple campfires. Different groupings sat around as Oikawa walked.  People lived. Because he was rash and ignored everything he had believed in. A good thing; Tōru stumbled, walking to various stretchers and not seeing the man he wanted. 

_ He's here. You saw them put him on one. Just how far down was he? _

It’s a strange sight to see a doctor in a stretcher. You wouldn’t ever imagine it - a medic in his white coat, lying sickly and injured as Suga is tended to by those who usually followed his every move.  That’s why it all looked so out of place. A stretcher on the ground in the middle of the woods, the silver haired medic placed onto it. His shirt had been cut open, and nurses were still trying to dislodge glass and splinters from his skin. The burns on his body were a stark contrast against his usually milky pale skin. 

_ Why are they even trying? There’s no point _ .

No matter how hard he tried to, Koushi could not open his eyes. The sounds around him had merged into a high pitched ringing, and the man just wanted to either be fully conscious or not conscious at all.  Preferably the latter if Oikawa was dead.

A shaky sigh left Oikawa, walking around looking for the soul he wanted. All the little camps were done from least serious, concern, medium and high risk. Judging by how Sugawara wasn't in either, Oikawa could only assume he was in medium. Sure enough, through a crowd of nurses he saw silver. Silver hair.

_ He isn't dead. See? Just unconscious. Just..resting. He would be fine. More scarred. More broken. You can fix the broken. Fix it. Mend it. Be the fixer man you desire to be. _

Ringing sounds were faint in Tōru's hearing, from the bombs dropping and the flying. Limping his way over, he sat above the wounded doctor; asking the nurses how bad he was. What condition. A hand subconsciously went to fix the medic's unruly hair; oh how he would make a joke about if it wasn't worrisome.

“We aren’t too sure.” One of the nurses said. “He doesn’t have any extreme injuries apart from the burns - but Sugawara-kun would usually tell us what to do in these situations.” One of the nurses said, pursing his lips as she began to bandage his bleeding arm. “Once he’s awake - he’ll be okay. But we don’t know when that’ll be.

_ Let me out. Let me wake up. He’s right there. I can hear him. I can feel his fingers moving through my hair.  _

His body shifted as he let out a pained exhale. Koushi just wanted to open his eyes and see his pilot. He wanted to see the man who had given up everything for him. “Tōru.” The medic managed to squeeze out, eyes shutting tightly as if he was caught in some kind of trap. 

"It'll probably be best if we keep an eye on him. His lungs took in a lot of smoke, if he wakes up get him some water." Oikawa said to the various nurses, keeping his hands in the silverette's hair. His vocal tone didn't have much variety, all of it was a monotone. Muted colors would be the highlight of them if words had color. It gave him a grounding spot. Where the pilot could focus his attention; playing with Koushi's hair. 

Oikawa hummed, staring up through the trees, paranoid if they were still at risk of being attacked. "Tōru.." His head snapped down to the other, pausing his actions. There he was. Trying to fight to stay awake, a pained expression on the doctor's face.

"Hey there, sunshine. Just relax, don't push yourself. You took in a lot of smoke and I don't think it's smart to talk like that."

“How many deaths?” Sugawara wheezed out amidst the coughing fit that had suddenly erupted. “How many so far?” His shaking hand moved to weakly grab Oikawa’s wrist.  Every breath he took sounded like a pained one. He coughed often, body convulsing with each sound. “How many nurses? Patients? Are you alri-“ He was interrupted by another string of wheezes and coughs. 

_ This is ridiculous. My chest is in so much pain. I just want to open my eyes _ .  His eyelashes fluttered slightly in the wind as he managed to open his eyes enough to collect a blurry picture. He squinted up at Oikawa.

"I don't..know how many deaths. None of us do. Not yet. But you gotta stop." Oikawa shook his head at the attempts. It was a depressing sight to see, the pain that the other was going through.

Thankfully, a nurse had brought a cup of water for the latter, handing it to Suga. "Drink this, or don't talk, hon. You'll damage your vocal cords and lungs if you keep this up." Tōru urged, peering around to check the amount of nurses. There were fewer than before, but not as noticeable as the lack of patients. "Looks like about..4 nurses are missing, and," the pilot inhaled deeply before finishing, "a fourth of the patients aren't here."  Soothingly he squeezed Suga's hand. "I'm alright, Suga. Just some cuts and burns. But I downed some bastards for us. Maybe that counts for something?"

“Shit.” Sugawara croaked out, weakly pushing himself up so that he could drink some of the water. It soothed his throat, but the man could still feel his lungs burning. “That’s too many..” He placed his head on Oikawa’s chest. “Too-“ Cough. “Damn many.”  Koushi was finally able to open his eyes, blinking slightly. His free hand moved to clutch onto Oikawa’s shirt. At Tōru’s next sentence, he froze. “You what?”

_ ’I downed some bastards for us.’  _ _ No. You didn’t. You wouldn’t have done that knowing you’d be sent home. Please. Just this once prove me wrong. Be smarter than me.  _

“Did you fly?” He croaked out, looking up at him.

Tōru gave a sad chuckle, avoiding looking at the other. "I flew. The damn people they sent up there were focusing on the fighters. Not the bombers. I had to do something, they weren't going to get it done quick enough." Resentment was lacing his words, although there was no sound of regret. Just hatred towards people not doing their jobs correctly, and towards the U.S. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more." He was honest. Oikawa knew he messed up his chance of staying. His chance of being able to see Sugawara. "But as long as they can't identify it as me, then it's fine. I doubt they could, there was too much going on." That was a lie. There was a high chance they knew. But perhaps not. 

The boy was content with Koushi drinking the water, at least making it sound like he was okay. Not a frog who couldn't croak.

The silverette weakly banged his fist against Oikawa’s chest. “Idiot” He muttered. He did it again and again and again, each hit weaker than the last. “Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.” 

_ Even though you’re alive, I’m going to lose you too _ . 

Sugawara stayed there for a few moments, fist on Oikawa’s chest alongside his head. “Why?” He whispered shakily. “Why, Tōru?”  Sugawara knew that Oikawa would most likely be gone soon. He’d be discharged, and Koushi would be alone once again. He didn’t know if his heart could handle it. “Damn you.” He laughed wheezily, sadly.

Tōru sat there with a sad smile. "Because if I didn't, you'd be dead. It wasn't the most rational thing, I know. But I couldn't stand losing you. I couldn't bear it." His voice was wavering as he let Koushi hit him. It was deserved. Only a matter of time before someone came and told him to leave. To get out. But he'd protest even then. 

"Damn me. I damned myself the moment I left that hospital." Eventually Oikawa just let his eyes fall close, a few warm tears slipping down his face as he held onto Koushi. "I'm so sorry for ruining it, Koushi. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean to disappear." He was gone. Tōru was gonna be gone. Discharged. For disobeying a command. Disobeying even if it saved lives. He was damned.

“Leaving me in this hellhole.” Koushi said, looking up at him with a sad smile. “What kind of man are you?” Sugawara didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He didn’t know whether or not it was pathetic for him to be so hung up on him.  He ended up doing both. Smiling bittersweet as salty tears ran down his cheeks. “J-Just up and leaving me like that. I see how it is.” It sounded like a joke; a playful jab at the other. But a needle seemed to weave anger into the words. “Oikawa Tōru..” Sugawara breathed out, coughing more and more as his tears picked up their pace. “Damn you.”

Oikawa gently released his grip on the doctor. Pulling himself away, he should've thought it through more. Oikawa couldn't blame the other for being upset; for the hatred in his words. It was well earned, deserved. "I promised I wouldn't leave you. I'm not going to. Not without force. I'm the kind of man to try to fix a problem. Find a solution, no matter how stupid it would be. How much I would be sacrificing, I am truly sorry." The pilot seethed, wearily wrapping his arms around his own waist. 

_ This was the third time you caused him pain, Oikawa Tōru. Shouldn't you leave? Throw yourself out as he wishes it to be seen?  _

The grounded pilot couldn't help the way his hand stretched out to wipe the tears off of Koushi's face; but he hesitated. Stopping right in front of it. "I cannot apologize enough to where it would fix this situation. Nor do I expect you to forgive my actions. So please, damn me and send me away, Koushi."

Sugawara swung his legs off of the stretcher, standing up. He stumbled, falling onto Oikawa as he wrapped his arms around his neck. “As much as I hate you right now, the idea of you leaving scares me to the bone.” He tightened his grip on Oikawa, sobbing into his neck. “Y-You could have been  _ killed _ !” He gripped onto his shirt tightly. “I wouldn’t have known!”  The boy broke out into a fit of coughs again, shoving his face into the crook of Tōru’s neck. 

“Stay. For as long as you can.” He begged softly.

The pilot let out a winded sound as the silverette fell on top of him, rubbing his back gently. "I won't leave you, angel. I'm not that dense, or cruel." Voice small as he shushed the crying male, reassuring that he'd get in a fist fight with any officer who tried to discharge him. 

"Me? Dying? That's near impossible, Koushi~ no no. I know I could've been, I would be like any other downed plane here. I should've told you my plan, that would have been the smart thing, right?" A happier underlying tone clear, wincing at the coughing fit. This was such a lost cause to get him to stop talking, but if he gets hurt from it, don't blame yourself.  The landscape around them was completely forgotten; too focused on each other to see the colors of the night sky changing slightly. It was either night, or all of the smoke in the area. Tōru didn't know, nor care. He had an angel to deal with.

Sugawara held onto him as if the wind would blow him away at any moment. Tangling his fingers into the other’s hair, Koushi sobbed quietly.  What else was there to say? Oikawa, no matter how much he promised, would have to leave soon. There was no way around it. He had broken the rules, all for some Americans who were breaking a rule of respect.  The man was eventually left to coughs and quiet sobs. Why did he care so much? Sure, his best friend was going, but he’d see him afterwards. What was it that made Sugawara in such intensive need for Oikawa Tōru?

_ Love? _

* * *

Two weeks had passed. The camp slowly cleaned up as the hospital was moved into tents. Not even a concrete building this time. Tents. Which was easier to manage, colder. Oikawa was practically an anxious wreck whenever someone had paperwork for him. He was just waiting for the discharge at this point. Mail delays screwed it up, making him dread everything as he patched people up.

"Oikawa-san. A letter." A nurse said, handing it to him with care. This was it. This was the thing that would make him leave. "Thank you." 

Slowly, the brunette opened it. The discharge papers. Told him what he broke. Why he was being let go. And when he had to leave. He was scheduled to leave that Friday. It was Wednesday. A day. A day to make everything better. A day to try to convince himself it was the right move all along. Why was it so hard to go, tears pricked at his eyes. 'Damn it all. Damn them for not training people better. Damn it damn it.'

Sugawara had been spending as much time as he could with Oikawa. He didn't know when it would all come crashing down, leaving him alone with his own thoughts once again.  The medic had barely taken a step outside of the tents since the plane incident. Any low rumble he heard, he would drop, covering his head. It would be a hard habit to break out of. 

“Oikawa!” Koushi yelled, jogging over to him, a bright smile on his face. He had been happy the past few days - wanting to give his best friend a nice memory to remember him by.

Hurriedly, the brunette shoved the letter into the pocket of his pants. "Hey, Suga. What's got you so happy?" Tōru asked, clearing his throat afterwards. Two days to spend it with him. Don't damper his mood just with this news.  As of late, the pilot had only been outside a lot. Trying to restart the flower garden. The soil was too battered to handle it, but Oikawa refused that to be the case. They had to flourish. Something to keep a reminder of him there, for however long the silverette would be stuck here. Tōru returned the smile, eyes tired and weak. Keep smiling through the news.

“Tōru.” Koushi greeted him with a grin. “It’s just a better day. Less deaths, less injuries.” He looked up at his chocolate-haired friend. “It’s warm, too. Some patients wouldn’t be able to handle the cold in tents.”

He sat onto the table that was next to Oikawa, swinging his legs slightly. “You look down. Something on your mind?” Koushi asked, tilted his head like a puppy. He leaned forwards on his knees, hazel eyes watching his friend carefully.

Chuckling, the brunette shook his head. "Just disappointed about the flowers. I can't get them to grow again, I wanted my garden back." It was rare to see Sugawara act like this. The last time he remembered the silverette so happy was before the war; before they got drafted here. It was kind of, euphoric to see the male giddy. 

"Less death? That's uncommon. It's warmer?" Looking outside, the sun was shining down on everything. The smoke layer had cleared up, and revealed the blue sky once more. It was lovely, beautiful, perfect to sit out for a picnic--or attempt at gardening again.

Sugawara hummed in thought, tapping his chin with his slim pointer finger as he did so. “I’m sure we can find some way to help the process along.” 

Sugawara tilted his head back, sighing as he let the light breeze tickle his skin. “Any letter?” He asked, closing his eyes. The medic was afraid to know the answer more than anything else.

"Like what? I doubt we have any fertilizer around. Not even plant food." The brunette whined, a pout crossing his face. In all truth, the man had no clue on how to garden. He just knew that water + sun + seeds = something to grow. Other than that, he was a sorry excuse for a florist.  "Not yet. Maybe they forgot about it! Or I'm not gonna be discharged." Oikawa mused, the letter burning a hole in his pocket. He didn't like to lie, especially to a childhood friend. But it was deemed necessary by him; he wanted the silverette to act normally around him. Not all pitiful.

“That’s true.” The silverette hummed, legs swinging back and forth on the table. He lifted his head at the sound of Oikawa having not received a letter. His smile grew even wider. “That makes me happy.” He breathed out, laughing softly as he reached over to ruffle Oikawa’s hair. “Every day I get to spend with you is a day I won’t forget.”

The medic hopped off of the table, grinning up at his friend. “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll see you later.” Sugawara subtly took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before jogging off and down the tents.

_ Oikawa hummed, watching his friend go before his shoulders started shaking. This was painful. Watching him be so oblivious to what was going on. _


	15. Don't say goodnight

The next day was even worse. Oikawa didn't say much, besides following the doctor around, trying to keep their pinkies intertwined. To keep this low, he'd often ask really dumb questions. Usually about events that had happened, how he seemed like a puppy, and Koushi a kitten. Surely he could go outside once more. Once more to see his dying flowers. The weak excuse of them.  Or dance. Could he get the other to dance? He thought before he slammed into Suga abruptly. Not realizing he was that close.

Sugawara definitely hadn’t complained about Oikawa following him. Albeit, he did find it rather odd, but the idea of them being so close together didn’t throw Sugawara off at all. It probably helped him. He was at the top of his trade today.  Koushi had stopped to check the clipboard in his hands before he felt a hard force in his back. Sugawara stumbled forwards and onto his knees, dropping the clipboard with an echoing thud. With a small chuckle, he looked up Oikawa. “Tōru, are you alright?”

The brunette squeaked, looking down at the man who fell. "Koushi! I'm so sorry, I should've been paying attention! I was spacing out and I didn't realize." He blustered, pulling Sugawara back up before he grabbed the clipboard. Tōru just wanted to be close. "When do you have a break today?" He could grab a radio, and try to set up something. But he didn't want it to seem suspicious yet; one last dance. One last smile. For who knows long. 

_ I want to see him glow with happiness, joy. I want him to stay this way, for however long I can today. Make it count. _

"But yes yes, I'm fine! Just tired is all. Promise!" A bright smile on his face as he laughed, eyes crinkling.

Koushi watched the other, eyes bright as Oikawa moved at a hundred miles per hour. He placed his hands on Oikawa’s shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Calm.” Sugawara laughed softly before taking his clipboard back. Checking his watch, Sugawara hummed quietly. “I have a break this evening.” He nodded, looking back up at his friend. Koushi tilted his head, studying him carefully. After a moment, the medic gave Tōru a flick in the forehead. “Baka Oikawa. Be especially aware.” He joked, beginning to walk and write once again.

"That's perfect" Time to plan. His feet shuffled as he grabbed Suga's shoulders. "Alright! I'll see you there!" Whining at the flick to his forehead. He might be a baka, but it doesn't mean he didn't have good intentions.  Darting back, the pilot spun on his heels, heading outside. Buds. There were buds! That's good. Grabbing the watering can, the male watered the poor excuses. What was he going to do when he got home? Probably use his pay to get a decent apartment; find a job. Be a florist? No. An artist? Author? 

Koushi watched as the other ran off, shaking his head with a smile as he did so. Something had clearly gotten into Oikawa, and if it made him happy, the medic wouldn’t dare question it.  The rest of the day Sugawara spent checking over the mental health of some of their patients. It wasn’t required. The government didn’t care. But he did. He heard stories of terrors and explosions from men who had the marks to prove it. Everyone had a story. The silverette checked his watch, humming as he realised he only had five minutes until his break.

It was all set. The radio and all the meal rations he had. Was it fancy? No. Did he manage to find some candles, steal a blanket and use paper plates? Yes.  Peeping his head in the tent, Oikawa grinned. This was gonna be a turn of events. Maybe he could get the other out. Although it was as pretty as before. The brunette flailed his arms around, trying to silently get the silverette's attention. "Suggaaaa!!! Suggaaaaa!" He whispered, leaning over to turn the radio on loudly.

_ I've been kicked around in my search for happiness _

_ I've been up and down in my struggle for success _

_ I've stood all these things, _

_ But I can't stand losing you _

_ I have paid the price when I trusted lying lips _

_ I've had paradise slip right through my fingertips _

_ I've stood all these things, but I can't stand losing you. _

Sugawara’s eyes had caught onto something moving while he was switching between tents. The man stopped, tilting his head as he looked over at Oikawa. “Tōru?” The medic jogged over to him, hearing the soft music already playing. “Tōru, what on earth are you doing?” Koushi laughed softly, watching his friend carefully. He noted how he was clean - how he had looked like he had made an effort.

"Dinner! Or rather...Mashed potatoes, mystery meat and steamed vegetables?" The brunette responded, feeling sheepish about the 'meal'. Everything else was perfect, in fact more than so. He'd taken a shower, cleaned his uniform. Mint leaves! He even ate mint leaves to freshen his breath. It was a magnificent effort on Oikawa's part. 

Without waiting for Suga's reply, the silver haired doctor was being shoved onto the blanket; an over eager Oikawa sitting opposite of him. "I just felt spontaneous! Plus, it's a nice day out here; minus the burnt patches of grass. The leftover bits of planes- it's a fine day. Now I know you didn't want to ever come out again, but it's too perfect!" Tōru explained, words mixing together at how excited he was. Hazelnut eyes gleamed as he motioned around at the sky, talking about how it wasn't blue, not purple or pink; just a salmon color. In an understatement; Oikawa was stressed about this. His last night before he disappeared.

Sugawara let out a small grunt as he dropped to his knees on the blanket. His eyes darted around. They weren’t too far to the tent; he could run to a patient if they needed. Koushi forced himself to relax in the cool air. “Is there a reason for all of this?” The medic hummed, tilting his head. Koushi glanced at the radio as the music played. How nostalgic. His mother and father used to dance to the radio all the time. It made Sugawara want to throw up, watching the two be so infatuated with each other. But he was just a kid. He didn’t know any better. Oh how he longed to witness a sight like that again.

Oikawa nervously chuckled, avoiding the question completely as he realized Koushi's uncomfortableness. "Kitten~ I'm here. Nothing is gonna hurt us. The tent is right there. You're fine." Oikawa told him, reaching a hand over to hold Suga's cheek. It pained him to see Sugawara so scared of the outdoors. There was nothing he could do to change the past; the memories which plagued him of such nightmares. One of them which he was a part of. The male could only pray that whenever it flashed back, Oikawa wasn't part of the horror show.  Tōru wanted to give good thoughts. Good images, moments for Koushi to remember after he left tomorrow. In a car, that would take him to a train. Back to their hometown. Where so many years ago; two boys chased after each other to the draft. Laughing and smiling, being dumb. It was something Oikawa barely could see Suga doing now. With his changed personality. 

"Something making you think besides the fear?" Oikawa hummed, long at the radio along with the silverette.

Sugawara was coaxed away from his thoughts by Oikawa’s hand resting on his cheek. The medic leaned into him, closing his eyes as he time deep breaths. “I’m okay. Being sat here like this makes me think of my mother.” He hummed, a frown tugging at his lips. “When you go.. Will you check on her?” Koushi’s hand moved to rest atop of Oikawa’s, his fingers curling around the other’s.  Sugawara was finally at ease. Oikawa was here. Nothing was going to hurt him. Oikawa was here to protect him. Just like always.

"Ah.." Oikawa hummed, brushing the side of Koushi's face gently. "Of course I'll check on her. I'll make sure she's fine, you know me. I'm just the chocolate haired little boy." Tōru mumbled, getting lost in Suga's eyes before he looked down. The food. There was food. Eat the food. Or ignore it. He'd feed it to the patients and other nurses if Oikawa didn't eat his share. For once, he wasn't hungry. He didn't want anything more than to dance. 

"How do you feel about dancing, Suga? Just me and you. Here. Right now, at sunset. With a shitty background, and a dream to have nothing more than…" Oikawa trailed off, mumbling his last words as he looked away, a blush coating his cheeks.

Sugawara smiled at him as he spoke, relaxing in Oikawa’s touch. “Thank you.” He said quietly. The medic felt at ease knowing that Oikawa would check on his mother for him.  At his next words, Koushi let out a small chuckle. “I can’t dance.” In spite of his words, he stood up, offering Oikawa his hand. The music on the radio had a quiet buzz to it. It didn’t ruin the atmosphere at all. Sugawara pulled Tōru up, looking up at him and grinning.

Taking his hand, the brunette grinned. "Don't worry then, I'll lead us. First, you gotta get in close." Tōru spoke softly, tugging Suga close to his chest. Moving the Silverette's hand to his left shoulder. He took the medic's left, and held it in his right. Holding it out, pointing towards the sunset. Oikawa's left hand moved to Suga's waist, holding onto it gently. "Then, you stare into the partner's eyes. This part is not optional. The kiss that comes with it is." But Oikawa made it clear that wasn't either as he pecked Koushi's lips.

"Now, find the tempo of the song. Start with a sway to each side. Then back. To the side. Back. To the side. And repeat! Move in different directions, or just sway. It's up to the people" the pilot mumbled, a sweet smile on his lips.

Sugawara complied to Oikawa’s soft instructions with a gentle smile. The man felt a chill go up his spine when the pilot touched his waist. It was a good chill - it made Koushi’s heart speed up. “You’re such a flirt, you know that?” He mumbled with a small laugh, head moving to rest on Tōru’s chest as the two swayed to the song. He was comfortable here. He didn’t want to be let go - even for a second.  Koushi found himself humming onto the music as he followed Oikawa’s lead with the dancing. He hadn’t stepped on the man’s toes yet - which was good enough for him.

"Hm? A flirt? I have no idea what you mean, kitten~" The pet name rolled off of his tongue with ease, winking softly at the silverette.  Oikawa was impressed with Koushi, and hadn't stepped on top of them. Unlike half of the people he'd ever danced with, who almost instantly did. Tōru was hopelessly in love with the medic. So head over heels that if he was shot, the man wouldn't know. The feeling was intoxicating; filling all his senses with every passing moment. 

"But in your dreams, whatever they be, dream a little dream of me~" Oikawa whispered into Suga's ear, dipping him backwards, looking lovingly into his pastel brown eyes.

Sugawara chuckled softly at him, shaking his head as they continued to dance.  The man had never been one for love. Even in school, he had seen girls as nothing more than best friends, and was utterly clueless when it came to crushes and confessions. But this? This was something different. This was all of the tiny little things that Sugawara found beauty in, piled into one man. This was the chocolate cake he ate a week before being drafted to war. This was the feeling of catching eyes with your friend in class during a particularly funny moment. This was the feeling of getting a present; blowing out birthday candles and inhaling the smoke. This was all of the little things that Koushi appreciated in life, piled up into one man. 

And that was one thing Koushi was certain of. Sugawara looked up at Oikawa as he was tilted back, laughing quietly as he looked into his eyes. “I’ll always dream of you.”

"Always? That's a long time, Koushi~ Don't go claiming the impossible." Another spin, and Oikawa dipped him again.  Moments like these were rare for Oikawa. His childhood wasn't the happiest. His mother was manipulative. Father? a deadbeat alcoholic. With this being the case, Oikawa spent a lot of his time outside the house. This to him was running through meadows. Catching a butterfly and showing it off to your friends; seeing who's was prettier. It was going to strawberry fields, picking as many as you could into your shirt; praying the farmer didn't catch you. Oikawa rarely was this content, Sugawara was his drug. The contents on the bottle didn't have the side effect of love listed. Nothing to warn the pilot of what feelings would come to him.

It was welcomed. The heart in his chest always panged in happiness whenever Suga smiled. Whenever he got excited about something he learned. So this was worth it. These moments before his light vanished for a year. Or two. Three. However long until the war ended. His mind begged for him to convince the other to come along. Tōru was more rational than that. 

"You know what I think Suga? That the Ink Spots have written every song about you. I can't find any other group who describes an angel quite like them."

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Suga hummed out with a laugh, cheeks dusting a light shade of pink. He had never really questioned the pet names - Oikawa always used to say silly stuff like it as a kid. “Your limited English just can’t understand any other group.” Sugawara chuckled, running a hand through Oikawa’s hair as they danced before placing it back on his shoulder.  How he longed to say the words that had been dancing on the tip of his tongue for weeks. Just three words. Three words to the boy that he used to share a bath with while Sugawara’s mother acted on behalf of Tōru’s. 

_ I love you _ . 

And yet he couldn’t do it.

"Don't say...goodnight. Please don't close the door." Tōru quoted, bringing his head down to nuzzle into Koushi. A lump was forming in his throat as the song continued. He couldn't handle it, swallowing thickly before Suga could catch on. Damn it. Snorting, he nodded his head at the comment. "I can understand a few...not a lot, but more than most here ever could." Oikawa mumbled, thinking about the past, the future. All of it was overwhelming--the present wasn't. It was calm, soothing. It was his therapy. His required medicine. 

"Koushi, what's the feeling called when you long for something. Really hard. For a long time, but you can't obtain it? It seems out of reach, and impossible to get to. So you keep making stupid attempts at getting it. What do you call it?"

Sugawara gave his hand a gentle squeeze hummed quietly along to the music from the radio. He listened to Tōru as he gulped and sniffled, simply assuming that the song had stirred something in him. “Ganbō.” He said after a moment of thinking. “Translates roughly to the English word desire.” The man gently stroked Oikawa’s hair. “Why do you ask?”  Sugawara felt safe in his arms. He felt like nothing could hurt him - like it was them against the world and they were at the very top. He tilted his head up to look at Oikawa, resting their foreheads together as his breathing swallowed. Koushi’s heart raced as the two of them danced.

"No reason. It's just something I've felt a lot recently." Tōru muttered, his gaze focused on the ground below them. "Just trying to find something that describes perfectly how I feel for you." This was quiet. Just like the buzz on the radio; a mere afterthought that he swore he said internally. Not externally.  If Oikawa had a tail, it would most definitely be wagging when his hair was stroked; wasn't this cute? The leaning into his hand, knocking heads together. Truly was something else. Oikawa was safe here. As the sun darkened the sky, allowing the moon to start it's fade in. A melancholy of emotions coursed through him.

Sugawara smiled. He smiled and smiled and couldn’t seem to stop. He gently tugged on Oikawa’s hair. “Smile.” He asked softly. “You look so down, like it’s your last day on earth.” Sugawara chuckled, leaning forward to brush his lips against Oikawa’s nose.  Koushi continued to dance with him. Their bodies were closer than before, pressing up against each other as if they had moulded into one.

Tōru flinched at the medic's words. Covering it up by giggling at the sensation on his nose. A fake smile dawned on his face, "I am smiling! I'm smiling because I'm with the man that-." Oikawa took a moment, stopping their movements haltingly. "With the man that I've lost my sanity for. The man who took my heart a few months ago, and hasn't returned it since." 

_ You could have said I love you. Not whatever romantic, word vomit that was. Face it, now you're the hopeless romantic _ .

Sugawara gave him another gentle flick on the forehead. “Flirty, flirty man.” He laughed, nuzzling their noses together.  Koushi didn’t know what was wrong with him. He refused to believe it was ‘love’. He didn’t know how that felt. Besides - Oikawa was a ladies man. Someone like Sugawara didn’t stand a chance. But for now, this was enough. Just being in his arms would give him a lifetime of happiness.

"Tch. As if! I've only got my eyes on one prize, Koushi dear." Returning the nuzzling in an instant. This only added more evidence to his claim that Sugawara was, indeed, a kitten. 

Tōru skirted around the idea of 'I love you.' To him, the expression held no meaning besides heartache. Everytime he had told someone he loved them, they almost always left. Love was easy for people who weren't emotionally conflicted; who weren't so indecisive. Oikawa was the issue, commitment was harder than anything else. But for Koushi? Maybe. Maybe this was the person who would actually stay. Rebuild each other from the ground up, and take their time. Have a cozy house, a dog? A cat? Some animal. 

"Just stay like this forever with me, Koushi, pretty please?"

“Is that even a question?” Sugawara asked, eyes shining as he looked into Oikawa’s chocolate ones. “I’ll stay with you forever.” It came out as a soft breath. The silverette could feel Oikawa’s breath against his face.  The song came to a stop, leaving a few moments for Sugawara to stop and admire Tōru. He had light burns on his face, scars littering his skin. Koushi gently placed his hand on Oikawa’s cheek, running his thumb over his lips. The static once again turned into music. 

_ Waking skies _

_ At Sunrise, _

_ Ev’ry sunset too, _

_ Seems to be _

_ Bringing me _

_ Memories of you _ .

Softly, Oikawa placed a kiss against Suga's thumb, a certain sadness glossing his eyes. "Promise me that." Dropping his hands and moving away from Suga. It had turned to night already, the stars peeking through ever so surely.  Tōru looked up at the sky, "Even if we are separated at some point. We'll be under the same sky, right? That's something to think about?" Pulling his glasses off of his face to admire them as blurs. He had to get used to this sensation again; the pilot was leaving his glasses behind. Eyes shifted over to Koushi, taking in all of him. His coat; stained with blood, his hair; recovering from being burnt, and his face. The one of a man who has been through shit, and came out alive. Be it by choice or not.

Suga frowned as the other moved away from him. Not knowing what to do with his hands anymore, he shoved them into his pockets. “Of course I promise.” Sugawara gave him a smile, laughing as he took another step towards him. “Tōru, what’s up with you? You’re studying me like you’re never going to see me again.” Koushi moved to him, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. “Has something happened?” The medic’s brows furrowed as he looked up at Oikawa worriedly. Sugawara gave his hand an encouraging squeeze.

"Not yet. In theory, how bad would my eyesight be if I didn't wear these glasses for a year or more? If these broke or something?" Toru's voice was small, giving a light squeeze back to Suga. Tōru took a shaky inhale, shoulders shaking as he promised not to freak out. Don't do this to him. You're so close, you're on the home stretch. Make it through these last moments.  "Oh really? I guess it's because I know a magnificent face when I see one, angel~. Yours is the best here." A genuine laugh trickling out of him. Thoughts swarmed him, wiping at his face to clear away tears. "Pollen, am I right? It's a killer!" His comments made less sense, dodging the conversation about the problem.

Sugawara’s smile turned into a frown. “Your eyesight would deteriorate. But these glasses will last you a long time.” He let out an exasperated sigh, his free hand slipping to rest on Oikawa’s cheek. Sugawara’s thumb stroked his skin softly. “Tōru, I..” Koushi faltered, his body subconsciously moving to its toes, as if to push the medic up towards Oikawa. He hesitated, lips not far from the other’s. Sugawara dropped down off of his toes to his usual height, hand dropping from his face and sliding down his chest.

"You....?" Tōru asked, tracing the back of Koushi's hands. He leaned down, eyeing the silverette with a curious head tilt.

"Should I fill in the blank for you? I'm going to assume you wanted to say 'I love you?' " The pilot looked him dead in the eye, eyebrows quirking in response. "If so, I love you too. You small, very threatening medic if I don't do something for you, yet kind hearted man. But you're so mean." Oikawa prayed that was what the man was getting at, his hands nervously fidgeting with his jacket sleeves.

Sugawara froze, opening his mouth to say something. He didn’t know what to say. The man’s shocked face slowly turned into a smile. Sugawara tilted his head back, laughing heartily. “ _ God  _ you’re annoying!” He leaned forwards, hands moving to squish Oikawa’s cheeks as he slammed their lips together. Koushi stayed on his tiptoes, tilting his head as he did so. 

_ Who knew that years of friendship would lead to this _ ?

Oikawa hummed happily, his lips soft amongst Koushi's lips. The pace was slow, steady and full of something that Oikawa rarely experienced. Love. Affection. It was a nice pleasure, snaking his arm around the doctor's waist.  He had wanted to do this for so long. To kiss someone he knew. Who meant something to him. After a good while, he pulled back, letting out a laugh, "How am I annoying? I'm simply existing, Koushi!"

“Taking my confession away from me. So inconsiderate, Tōru.” Sugawara slammed his lips onto Oikawa’s once again. He stayed there for a few moments before pulling away again. The man looked on top of the world. “Look at us.. We’re like two crushing children.” Sugawara laughed, feeling his cheeks burning. They were a fierce pink. 

His heart had gotten to him. The man crouched, covering his face as he laughed. “Jesus Christ.” Koushi’s heart had had a lot for the day. He stood up straight once again, smiling at Oikawa. 

_ “I love you.” _

* * *

It was midnight. Oikawa was writing the letter. The one he'd leave on the dressing counter. 

**_Dear Koushi,_ **

_ as you find this, I will already be on my way back home. I lied to you this week, my discharge was for today, but I didn't want you to treat me any different. You have made my life--these past few months worth living. If I hadn't come to this camp, this hospital, then I probably would have given up. The vision I have is the worst of it. I don't care about my side, my face, nor my arms. You gave me my eyesight back, even though you could have denied me it. Koushi, you're my angel. An angel before any of these patients had the right to say it. They don't think of you this way. They see you as some nurse; telling them they won't be able to go back out there. That's what these camps are for; letting people have some hope before eventually getting dumped on a car, to a train back home. Where honestly, most will commit suicide from the nightmares they have earned; like a trophy.  _

_ Yet mine are simpler, there is no horror in the sky. You learn to tune it out. The screams are just another rattle of the engine; that's just the way of streamline. Whenever I'm with you, my worries and thoughts disintegrate, becoming piles of ash among the snow. The words you tell me, the touches you administer, they are the remedy to every inch of anxiety. Every flashback can be eased by you singing me to sleep; or talking to me. You.  _

_ Suga, you're my reason to keep going out here. You're the whiskey who mellows me out, even through the rough patches...I apologise for being a dick here and there; you having panic attacks...Getting mad at me, me mad at you..I sincerely hope you didn't take offence, I had best interests in mind! _

_ But, if I have to go, I'll be behind one of the most significant things you have given me. The glasses. Since I am causing you harm, making you pain over me leaving; putting more work back onto you, I will leave them. This way the burden is equal. I take the blow. If my vision fades, then so be it. It is a worthy consequence to my own stupidity. I could've help _ ed  _ you more if I didn't get in the plane. Staying by your side would have been safer; better. You wouldn't have gotten burned, and I wouldn't be here, writing this goodbye letter at....2:00am. I've been here for two hours, putting my thoughts into words, although they won't do me any good.  _

_ Just like you said, I'll check on your mom. She'll be in my hands, Kitten, so don't fret. You'll see her again. I promise you that, damn me if that goes awry as well. **My** darling beloved, you have to come back from this war to me. We'll have a cute home. With a cat, or dog. A small garden in the back. It'll be peaceful. It won't reflect the pain and devastation you have seen first hand on this battlefield.  _

_ In the case you don't return, remember I am always by your side. In life, and in death. I am always there. In the case you make it, return the glasses. Make sure they don't break or get stolen, darling~. _

**_Sincerely,_ **

**_Your grounded pilot,_ **

**_Oikawa Tōru~_ **

The pilot heaved a sigh, wiping away the tears that had sprung from his control. With a glance at his watch he read the time; 3:30am. The car would be here at 4am. So, he got up from his spot on a chair. Shakily, he crept into the tent that had the table for dressings. Taking one look around in the clear vision, the brunette slowly dismounted his glasses. A clink was made as he set them onto the metal, the envelope with a letter next to it.  The next step was to wait outside. And he did. Then, he was gone to the station.


	16. Dear lieutenant Sugawara Koushi

Sugawara had finally been able to get more than an hours rest. For the first time in years, he had slept knowing that someone else was covering his shift. Oikawa had practically begged him to sleep - and it got to a point where the medic wasn’t able to say no.  As Koushi stood up from the chair he slept on, he rolled his head, feeling his neck click as he grunted. Pulling his coat on, the man began to make his way to the dressing station, humming one of the songs that was on the radio when him and Oikawa had danced the night away. He smiled at every nurse he walked past, greeting them with a soft; “Good morning.” It was around 4:30am. 

He made his way into the dressing station, stopping and tilting his head at the sight of the glasses and enveloped placed onto the table. Koushi opened the parchment up, taking the letter out and beginning to read.  He had reread that damn letter so many times, thinking he had misunderstood something. By the time he had finished his sixth read-through, tears were steadily flowing down his face. The man felt his knees weaken beneath him as he dropped, free hand moving to cover his mouth. 

“D-Damn you, Tōru..”

* * *

Three months had passed, and Oikawa didn't bother getting new glasses. The boy refused, settling for clerking for a bookstore. He couldn't write at this point, the keys on the typewriter all looked the same; though he started to learn braille. Braille was helpful for some things, but it couldn't help what he saw. The lack of vision had messed him up, so he stood in the doorway of a glasses shop. 

_ Do I buy a pair? Or do I keep the promise. He wouldn't want me to suffer yet he probably hates me at this point. If he's alive. Had more attacks happened? What was the status of the medic? Is Koushi alive and well?  _

Chewing his lip till it bled, Oikawa walked in, greeting the clerk and explained his problem. Soon enough, circular glasses were shoved into his hand and the lad was on his way.  The way to the house he bought. It was cheap, nothing too fancy or too big, just enough so he had a garden, a house cat, and himself. A bed made for two, and enough alcohol to last him a good while. 

"Hey angel, I hope you're doing fine. I don't know how long it will be till the war ends. I just wish you were here. In this house. Our home. Please come soon." Tōru said again that night. It was a ritual, say something to the night sky, and imagine Suga replying back to him.

* * *

It had been a tough few months. Sugawara had been struggling after the disappearance of Oikawa, and, conveniently, the hospital had had a huge surge of patients. He was tired, worn out, and ready to go home.  He had been so angry with Oikawa, sending him letters filled with subtle curses throughout the first few weeks. He couldn’t be too obscene - the censorship was incredible. He had calmed down a little since then, the letters becoming less and less about how Oikawa had left him. However, Koushi hadn’t heard any news about his mother, and he was beginning to panic. 

**_Dear Tōru,_ **

_ I hope you are fine and well. Everything is good here on my end. I need you to go and check on my mother. She would have taken the keys to the Sugawara residence with her - take anything you need and please let me know how she’s doing.  _

**_Always thinking of you,_ **

**Sugawara Koushi.**

The waiting is what the medic hated most. The agonizing days of not knowing if he’d ever get a letter.

* * *

Upon reading the letter from Koushi, he made plans to visit--to check in on his second mother. Koushi's mother raised Oikawa like a second son, due to his own mother being...neglecting and manipulative; forgetting her son was a person, not a slave for her to use. The nursing home was pretty close to his current residence, not planned but it was a welcomed thing. 

"Is Mrs. Sugawara available today?" Oikawa chirped, leaning against the counter as the receptionist stared at him. Her expression was confused, then it changed to a solemn one.

"I'm sorry, sir. Mrs. Sugawara passed last year."  Her tone was full of sorrow, pity. Tōru gritted his teeth, giving her a nod. 

Another promise was washed down the drain. Oikawa felt numb; the second mom he knew was dead. Dead in some retirement home, which had no relevance to her. It was terrible. But life has its ways. Giving a small 'thank you', Oikawa walked out; how was he gonna break the news. 

**_Dear Koushi,_ **

_ I regret to inform you, your mother..She passed away last April. They told me it was peaceful, it was in her sleep. But I'm so sorry, I know I promised you she'd be alright yet life had its own plans. I'm so so sorry. Please take care, I'm always here if you need me, just a letter away.  _

_ If it means anything, we have two cats now! One is a grey, and the other a calico. The flowers are doing better; I've been growing your mother's favorite. I am so so sorry. _

**_With love and sorrow,_ **

**_Oikawa Tōru._ **

* * *

The smoke from the train puffed out into the air. The sounds of crying and laughing could be heard as the train let out a large whistle. A man stepped onto the platform, bag in hand. He wore a white coat, circular glasses tucked neatly into his pocket. The man watched as men ran to their families, hugging them tightly - kissed their wives and children. A small smile came to his face as he watched it happen. A small puff of air came from his lips as he blew his awkwardly long silver hair out of his eyes.  Sugawara Koushi looked different as he walked through the train station. It wasn’t the fact that his hair had grown past his eyes, or that his face was scarred with burns and cuts. The way he held himself seemed different. Shoulders slumped slightly, a slight tremble in his hands as he gripped onto his leather bag in one hand and a newspaper in the other.  His hazel eyes scanned the city as he walked through the streets of Miyagi. He was going to Oikawa’s new residence. The man faltered as he found himself outside of the nursing home his mother had been stationed at. With a shake of his head, he continued onwards, another heavy puff of air leaving his lips to move his fringe. 

Koushi closed his eyes for a moment. He stood outside of a wooden door to a small house. His bag by his side, the man’s slender fingers trembled naturally as he lifted a fist. He knocked on the door softly.  The sound of a radio could be heard through the front door, soft melodies of the ink spots leaking through. The day was slow moving, people wandering without a purpose in mind. The atmosphere held people's moods of losing the war. Spirits low for the government; citizens and soldiers rejoicing at the end. No more sending off high school aged kids to war. 

_ What the hell am I supposed to say? I love you? I’m home? _

Oikawa had been painting when the door was knocked. Maybe it was the postal services, delivering a letter from the man he missed the most. "Hold on a minute!" Wiping off ink onto his apron, the former pilot ambled his way to the door, swinging it open, "What do-"

Koushi had no more time to think as the door swung open. “Surprise?”

Oikawa's jaw dropped in shock; standing in front of him was an angel. A silver haired doctor who looked blurry. Out of focus, but the hair stood out to him in great detail. Oikawa didn't know about this. The war had ended a few weeks prior, so he assumed it would take Sugawara longer to get back. 

"Kitten? Oh my god, you came back- you're still alive. You?" Hands instantly cupped Koushi's cheeks, squishing them before pulling the shorter into a tight embrace. "You're not a hallucination. You're you."

The medic laughed faintly, slender arms wrapping around Oikawa. Sugawara took a deep breath in. He had missed every part of Oikawa. His smile, his eyes, his lips, his hair, his laugh. Everything. 

Koushi stepped back after a moment, reaching into his pockets to grab something. He pulled out a pair of glasses - clean and without a scratch on them. Sugawara moved to his toes, sliding the glasses onto Oikawa’s face. “You’re stupid, you know that?” He wrapped his arms around Tōru’s neck, still on his toes as he did so.  It felt so odd to be back - to be standing with Oikawa and not have to feel sorry about a plane flying over to drop a bomb. It felt good, but odd. The walk from the train station was difficult enough - Sugawara’s body self consciously moving to drop every time he heard a low rumble of a car.  It seemed as if the man had adopted a slight natural tremble. His hands shook subtly when he didn’t realise. It had come about at some point during the war - though Koushi couldn’t pinpoint where.

Oikawa blinked, the familiar wash of clearness settling on his eyes. His paint marked hands stayed resting on Suga's hips; he missed that night. Where they spent it all dancing; reminiscing on the times before. Two young, dumb boys who didn't know how much trouble they could cause. 

"Koushi, when am I not stupid? I think you've said this every time you've seen me!" The taller scoffed, playfully narrowing his eyes. Without jostling the smaller, Tōru shut the door behind Suga, waddling them around to a couch. No warning given, Tōru flopped down, catching the silverette in his arms. 

"So tell me, what should we do now? We have two cats, and a dog. Various other plants, which all have names! There's George, Thomas, Boots, Beans..." The former pilot rambled off the plant names, counting them off on his fingers. He was such a nerd at moments, but it made him so lovable.

Sugawara placed his hands on Oikawa’s chest to push himself up slightly. With a small roll of eyes and a soft laugh, the medic leaned forwards, lips landing on Oikawa’s gently. One hand stayed on Oikawa’s chest, while the other moved up to play with his paint-stained hair. 

Koushi kissed him gently; leaving room for Oikawa to pull away if needed. To pull away with an ‘I have a girlfriend’ or a ‘I was confused in the war’.  Either way, Sugawara was happy now. Shaking hands holding Oikawa, his chapped lips on Tōru’s soft ones. The feeling of being held once again was pure bliss.

Oikawa didn't pull away. He let the man on top of his lap to have control though, as he was too lost in him to control the situation.  The only time the brunette pulled away was when he couldn't breathe. Tapping on Koushi's shoulder he backed off, staring into the orbs called eyes. There were no words to express all the rushing emotions Tōru felt; overzealous? Not necessarily. It was necessary for him to spoil the angel from now on. Get him everything he wants. No matter the cost.

"I missed your lips." The pilot blurted quietly, eyes widening as he slapped a hand over his mouth. A whine left him, squeezing those hazelnut eyes of his shut from embarrassment. That was a way to talk after a kiss, wasn't it? Awkward, but sure was direct enough; not even a dense person could be confused by the statement. 

"What I meant was that- You didn't- I haven't. You-. I stayed true?"

Koushi laughed heartily, head tilting back as he echoed around the house. “You say some silly things, Tōru.” He grinned, planting a soft kiss on Oikawa’s forehead. 

The medic slowly stood up, eyes looking around to study the house. “It’s a nice place.” He hummed. Sugawara felt a small brush on his ankles, and looked down to find a kitten. He picked it up, holding it in his shaking hands as he smoothed its head. “How have you been holding up? We don’t have to censor our every word now.” He grinned.

Tōru had noticed the tremors in the hands of the other. It looked like all the years of stress and trauma caught up to Koushi. The sight made Oikawa shiver internally; fuck the damn bastards who thought it was a good idea to join. Two islands bombed with nuclear power. For what? To end it. There was no bother of resorting to anything else. America had the shiny new deadly toy of the century. 

A smile graced the brunette's face, watching the cute display pan out. An angel sent from above, cuddling with the kitten he'd named Coffee Bean. Or Beanie for short. 

"That's Coffee Bean. The kitten you have right there. Aren't they precious? In terms of holding up, I've got a job. It pays enough for me to keep this place, in all the smallness it is. I do painting on the side, and writing takes up a majority of my time. The garden is tended to by me, myself and I. No, before you ask, I have not found a girl. Rather an angel. Who's right beside me now." Oikawa purred, listening to the radio buzz distantly from another room. It was a lazy sunday. The sunday where you curl up with a cup of tea and read a book. Watch the rain fall gently; calming. 

Oikawa left out the details of horrible sleep. Of being awake most of the night, or waking up in the middle of a panic. He left those out. Those weren't relevant and didn't need to be. 

"And you? How was the way back home?"

Sugawara listened intently, sitting next to Oikawa as his hands absentmindedly stroked the cat in front of him. He watched the floor as he took in everything Oikawa was saying. The medic placed the kitten on his lap, facing a pleasant surprise when it curled up to stay there. 

“I’m surprised you haven’t found a girl.” Koushi looked over at him, a small smile on his face as he blew his silver hair out of his eyes. “You were always a ladies man.” He chuckled quietly before humming. “The train ride was interesting. No one in my carriage slept. I think we were all too shaken up to sleep, especially on a moving vehicle.” A gentle chuckle escaped from his lips. “I tried to clean myself up as best as I could - but I’m still a bit of a mess, aren’t I?” The man grinned and shook his head. Longer hair, a dirty face, chapped lips - Sugawara had at least put a clean shirt on, but there wasn’t much else he could do to wipe the word ‘war’ from his being.

Tōru hummed, shrugging at Sugawara's first comment. A ladies man? Sure. He found both sides appealing. Everyone in his opinion was spectacular, he didn't care what they were.  To hear that no one slept was also not surprising; everyone would be terrified of things moving. No easy escape routes; no ducking or hiding possible. You'd die there with no way, so you learned to accept the facts. 

Oikawa chuckled, motioning to a room down a hall. "That's the bathroom, go take a shower, Koushi. As much as I love you, you smell like a dying animal! For afterwards, just go to the room a door down from it; it's the bedroom. Feel free to take any clothing item you want to wear right now." The brunette said softly, ruffling the longer hair Suga now dawned. The man also noticed how much the kitten on top of Koushi liked the medic, he had a feeling they would be cuddling a lot. Probably on his shoulder, sliding off and then waking up dazily in the lap. Coffee Bean was like that.

The medic carefully shifted the kitten from his lap, placing it to where he once sat. “So mean, Tōru.” Sugawara looked over at him and grinned as he made his way out of the room and to the bathroom. 

Koushi didn’t spend long showering - he already felt bad for using the shower. With a towel around his waist, he emerged from the bathroom, hair still dripping with water. “I’m out.” He called down the hall before moving into the bedroom. Sugawara felt rather bad for taking Oikawa’s clothes. He stood in front of the wardrobe in just his boxers, lips pursed as he eyed the closet. “Tōru - your closet is too stylish for a war doctor!” He called out again, laughing to himself as he rummaged through the other’s clothes.

"Well, maybe we'll go shopping! Not today, but soon." Oikawa hummed in response, carrying the kitten in his arms to see what was going on. Sure enough, Koushi was fussing over which of his clothes. 

"Grab a shirt, one those cotton ones, angel. I have some human decency to be comfortable." There was no bite to the comment, just someone brought bemused for his own good. The former shell of a pilot stood in the doorway, admiring the doctor from afar. The skin was scarred, aching from all the damage it bared. His frame thin, not having changed much from when Tōru last saw him. A good meal would help with that, lots of love too.

Two boys. Finally back home. They could start something new, finally be happy and run. Run till the sun sets, abandoning them of all light. Catch those stupid fireflies in a jar, making a make shift light from that. Stargaze- Oikawa stopped his thoughts from steering out of control; a terrible hopeless romantic he was.

“I’ve been here for around an hour and I’m already worried.” Sugawara sighed, buttoning up one of the cotton shirts he had grabbed from the wardrobe. “No one wants to hire a war medic with a tremble.” The silverette clicked his tongue in annoyance as he slipped a pair of trousers on.  Koushi moved over to Oikawa leaning his head onto his chest as he sighed, one of his hands moving to stroke the kitten he held. “Everyone’s going to be fighting for work now.” He muttered. Sugawara looked up at Oikawa, planting a small kiss on his jaw.

**_“I’m so glad I’m home.”_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you look at that? I have a heart. Enjoy the happy ending, and as always, thank you for reading and putting up with my weird update schedule~


End file.
